Chrissy’s Cantata Rejection
A friend invited [Chrissy] and me to a cantata at her church, to be performed this evening. I thought It’d be nice to go with [Chrissy]. So I asked her. She rejected me, saying that she had planned to attend another performance already.
This rejection depressed me for a time. So it’s a good thing I attended Interaction later that day. It put me back into a happy frame of mind.
When she said no, I felt the question come on: Why doesn’t she cancel her plans to be with me? This weighed on my emotions and I couldn’t help but answer it in the negative. Because she doesn’t want to be with me, right? And that hurts because she doesn’t know me all that well. She knows that our religious beliefs are different and perhaps even mutually exclusive.
[Chrissy's] beliefs and ways are very important to her and she’s no doubt looking for someone that believes as blindly as she does. I’m not such a person. I know since I’m agnostic, that she’s not interested in me, and should protect my love supply by not risking anymore on her without clear provocation.
I need not dump my emotional energy into black holes hoping they’ll warm up and begin glowing. Enough women are initially much warmer than that and require less coaxing.
Are there? Do they?
On the other hand, some of them do take a while. I wish to accommodate these sorts. But in [Chrissy’s] case, I don’t wish to become seriously involved, though a roll in the hay now and again would be nice. I must be careful not to confuse a sexual desire for a love of the whole person. I cannot love all of her, because she’s exceedingly judgmental, though her legs are quite sexy. If she and I talked too much, we’d surely end up arguing because to me, much of her personality is unappealing. She’s childish and simple, as well as uninformed and backward, and she frequently defends antiquated ideals. But perhaps it’s her ignorant certainty about life and how the universe came to be that makes her appear sexy. I might enjoy giving her a foot massage. That’s true. But I would not want to work with her on any long-term projects like raising a family. Her crazy views would drive me crazy shortly. No matter though. Her sultry toes and legs are very common, and I’d be best to look elsewhere.
The pain I felt at her decision not to attend the cantata was from more a sense that I defied my wishes in asking her out in the first place, than a wounded ego. When I asked her, I was hoping we might have some good sex, not form a life-long union. Still though, how could this secretary who makes less than half of what I do, who complains about money problems constantly, and whose life is chalk full of negative drama, how could she reject me? I could have helped her get out of her woes while we enjoyed some intensely erotic encounters. But she turned me down. Apparently, my career achievements don’t impress her.
I hope that it’s not my money or social standing that draws a woman to me because these things are temporary and could disappear with one heart attack or accident. So, in asking [Chrissy] out, the pain I perceived at her rejection would also seem to stem from inconsistency between my beliefs and behavior. The inconsistency is: Though I believe women who want me for financial security to be shallow, I [nonetheless] expected [Chrissy] to say yes because of my ability to offer her the very thing for which I’d find her hollow for wanting. BAD BAD BAD ! I must iron out this contradictory thinking.
Don’t misunderstand. I expect no woman to remain loyal should I lose my job due to laziness or other self-defeating or self-indulging behaviors. But focus she should not, on my financial station. Doing so makes her a gold digger.
