Not Lovers? Then Not Friends!
Scenario: Kelly and I are talking on the phone. I’ve just asked her out and she declines. The following conversation happened as a result.
Me: Oh. Sorry to hear that. I thought we’d have such fun together.
She: Yes. We might. But I’m still sort of in a relationship and couldn’t give myself to you like that anytime soon.
Me: Well, okay, thanks for telling me. I understand. But hey, I gotta run now. So you take care and I’ll see you next week.
She: Now wait a minute Tom. You act like the only thing I’m good for is loving. While I can’t love you right now, I still want to be your friend. Don’t you want to be mine? Are you so shallow that you won’t enjoy my no-strings friendship?
Me: I would not pursue that friendship with the same excitement with which I’d pursue a romance between us. I need my remaining time on earth to find the lover I desire who loves me back. But our friendship would waste my time, time that I could better use locating she who actually wants to love me.
She: So, excluding work, sleep, and personal maintenance, everything you “spend time on” must lead into a romantic relationship?
Me: Every relationship with an attractive female that is not work-related, yes. I can be friends with those who do not attract me sexually. But if they do? Forget it.
She: But you’ve said how tired you are of being rejected. Perhaps if you let yourself enjoy friendship now and then, the love quest would be less painful.
Me: Good point. But friendships, in which romance is forbidden, especially when I want it, well, they hurt! It’s all too easy to mistake friendly acts from desirable ladies for overtures to love. Then I’m hurt when they remind me that they were just being friendly. So, I avoid friendships with hotties like you who shut me out romantically, because there’s just nothing worthwhile in them for me.
She: Well Tom, that stinks.
Me: Well then, consider an even more painful scenario. I befriend a woman for some time. Then one day, I see this “friend” meet someone else and immediately date him, while I remain [just] her friend and she’s rejected me for months. This has happened and I hate it and I won’t risk it again.
She: Too bad. It looks like we’re just not on the same page then. So take care, Tom. See you around.
Me: Good-bye.
