Dear J: Why No Kids for Me?
Good afternoon,  [J].
Taking a lunch break and thought I’d hammer out a few lines.
You asked why I do not desire children. Well, put simply, I just never had the desire. All the fathers and mothers who talk so much about the joys they have raising their offspring. All those activities just never appealed to me. Oh, don’t misunderstand. I am frequently moved by an afternoon with my sisters’ children. I just would not want full-time responsibility for them. I suppose I am much more of a career person. But whatever reason I might think of, I’m just about certain that it is nothing more than rationalization.
Here are some reasons I’ve come up with over the years to rationalize this disinterest:
• As Hilary Clinton says, nowadays, it takes a village to raise a child. Well, at least, the village always seems to want to be involved with and dictate how parents ought to raise their young. I’m not happy with the standards that society at large sets for its children.
• Today’s children are too violent.
• Today’s children are quite costly to raise well.
• To be good parent, it seems like you need to have a degree in child rearing. Raising a child is fast becoming a specialty field in itself.
• Too many bad temptations exist today for the adolescent. Difficult to keep them away from bad influences.
But again, I suspect that all of these are just rationalizations for a pre existing lack of desire in me, to be a father. The thought of having children is totally devoid of passion for me. And what determines which pursuits trigger passion? And can those triggers be changed? Hmmmm. A topic for another letter, right?
Later,
Tom Hesley
