Defining Soul Mates
[Lynn],
Quite a “cerebral” letter you wrote. I’ll only touch on part of it tonight. I’ll quote segments of it and reply to each in more email over the weekend. Anyway, here goes…
I am indeed looking for steady, sustained, monogamous companionship, yes. Ideally, I’d want to see my girlfriend three to four times a week, and spend a couple or three nights a week together (I like my alone time too and three or so nights each week alone is enough for me). There would be the movies, Saturday afternoon shopping and dining, the late night conversations, occasional bowling, or whatever we both could agree on, Etc. Yes, I would want someone who makes me feel very special and important, and who does so without compromising or deferring her own aspirations. This is possible. I’ve dated several women over the years who were very good at it.
To me, a soul mate is a buddy, a friend, a confidante, a lover, a partner, a teacher, a student, an ally, and occasionally, an adversary. I do not see a relationship as two people completely maintaining separate lives indefinitely. There would eventually be some merging of purposes and motivations as well as a degree of unification of focus and aspiration. That is, the two would begin to share many dreams and strive to make them come true, together.
Of course, the partners don’t do EVERYTHING together. Generally speaking, I cannot spend more then two days straight in someone else’s company without needing a day or two break. So, don’t read too much into my comments about wanting to be close to my soul mate. That closeness has limits, which I hope are more clear now.
More later,
Tom Hesley
