Tom's Love Quest

Dear   [Carlene J],

Wow. Sounds like some turbulent, uncertain times for you at work with all that organizational shake-up. But things there appear to have stabilized for you, I hope. Good luck. As always, I’ll keep you in my prayers.

Now Carlene, there’s something I feel compelled to discuss with you, which probably should have been related long ago when I first became aware of it in 1993. Warning: This may be a bit “off the wall”. Thus, I’ve delayed mentioning it until now because it might make you uncomfortable with me. And avoiding THAT has been the number one objective. But now I feel that it must be revealed, to preserve the honesty and lack of pretense, which have made our friendship so special since it began almost seven years ago.

After the mugging in Philly last fall, where, for the first time ever, I truly FEARED for my life, some things about me changed in those few seconds when that crazed jerk was chasing me. It became implicitly apparent and disconcerting, that humanity is such a fragile commodity, and can be so easily snuffed out. That blow I took to the head really “knocked some sense” into me, in that we only have so much time here to accomplish our goals, and to do what we can to make our dreams come true, because we never know when God will take us from this arena. The incident instilled in me an urgency about our mortality in this place, and just how little time there is to achieve fulfillment and inner peace. It has become a first and foremost goal for me since that awful night, to achieve fulfillment by doing what I can to surround myself with the people I enjoy being with most. For me, the greatest fulfillment comes when spending time with beautiful women.

Doing this however, has been somewhat difficult over the years, because for whatever reason, I’ve been reluctant to tell these ladies how I feel. Maybe they have a boyfriend, or are married. Perhaps they looked at me funny once. Perhaps they’re out of my league. Maybe they won’t like my thick glasses. I don’t know why I’ve put off telling them. It’s just never been very easy. But after the incident last fall, it has become much less difficult, and more imperative to let them know. Thus this letter to you. Now hold on, and please keep reading. It’s probably NOT quite what you’re thinking.

As you’ve probably already guessed, I consider you very pretty. I had sent you a letter on this a few years ago, but was never sure if you ever received it. So forgive me if I’m being redundant here. But aside from engaging with your pleasant disposition and personality, I must confess that I also truly enjoy, looking at your legs. In meetings we’ve attended, perhaps you’ve caught me stealing glances. I’ve spent many a minute since knowing you, wondering what it would be like to see your legs more closely, by giving you a foot and leg massage, as I am fascinated with both these, belonging to pretty ladies. Wow, there. I said it. Wasn’t so bad.

So, do you think you might enjoy helping me live this fantasy and make this dream come true? My hands would remain below your waist, knee, mid calf, or ankle, whatever your preference. Nothing improper. But ladies tell me I’m quite good at relaxing the feet (and hands) and I’d very much welcome an opportunity to do this for you, when I get to Dayton. I had studied massage in 1991 for a few months, when a girl I dated at that time, insisted I know it, to do her. And I’ve accrued perhaps 200 hours experience since then.

If this information makes you too uncomfortable to continue our friendship, I very well understand. I know you’re married. But I have no desire to come between you and your husband and steal you away from him. Marriages however, come in many different flavors these days, with some being more “open” than others. It’s hard to know unless you ask, where the bounds of propriety lie. Understand that I’m not looking for a covert affair. But tell me, would the current circumstances in your life permit you to try one of my lower body massages in October?

Well, thanks for listening. Hope you’re not offended. But I had to take the risk. If you are, then please forgive me. But I had to know where you stand.

Take care, and write soon.

Tom Hesley

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• Foot Fetish, Low Self-Esteem, Cause, Effect
• Therapy Session: 2009-02-21

References

• Foot Fetishism on Wikipedia

Dear   [Lynn],

Hi.

Yes, you’re right. The family here is a pretty good one. And yes, change is a necessary part of life, if one’s goal is to maximize wealth (not necessarily monetary, but hey, it wouldn’t hurt!), and fulfillment in all things demanding actualization. These are certainly my goals, and sometimes I take on more than I can comfortably handle, and sometimes it’s forced upon me, like some work issues and people. Those circumstances have put me into bad moods in your presence on many occasions, and I appreciate your patience through all that.

But it appears that the skies are turning blue on the work and personal fronts. I’m quite eager to return to Philly, “to continue the journey.” Not that the journey was COMPLETELY suspended while here in Altoona. In fact, several necessary discoveries were made here about what I REALLY want from a relationship and how to get it. I don’t want to marry. In fact, I don’t even desire a steady girlfriend this day. Yet I do thirst for the affection and degrees of intimacy that could be dubbed, “the cream of marriage”. I suppose I want that cream without all the sour curds that so often go with it. Ironic. 7 years ago, I felt hurt when women I dated claimed to want “dating around” and not be tied down to one person. Back then, such comments really bruised the ego. But now, I feel as they did. Hmmm. Perhaps they’d be worth approaching again with this new attitude. But heck, the way things turn about, they’re probably no longer wanting to “play the field” and are looking to settle down, whereas I am not. Also, I don’t think they’d believe me if I told them that I want to play the field now. Aaaaarrrrgggghhhh!! Life is crazy.

How do you pronounce that anyway? Aaaaaarrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhh!

Well, hope the weather is pleasant there today. Nice here, in the low 60s. Supposed to warm to the mid 70s on each of the next 4 or 5 days. Sunny on every one too. Nice. Take care. I’ll chat at you when I get to Dayton.

Tom Hesley

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[JenGee],

I appreciate your willingness to have me stay with you. Thanks. Parts of the visit were quite nice, including the professional massage you gave me.

Now I’ve gone over this time and time again in my mind, to figure out the best way to tell you why I departed earlier than planned on Monday. And the more I ponder this, the more convinced I become, that there is no easy way to tell you. No way to spare you the pain and anger that these words are probably going to make you feel. But do understand that I’m not saying these things to hurt you. But I believe you should know them, so that you can take steps to correct the issues I’m about to raise, and hopefully, offend no other visitors as I was offended this time.

Put simply, I left your place because it was very dirty, smelly, and disorderly. Much more so than I am accustomed to. Your rugs had so much dog and cat hair on them that I had trouble knowing what their true colors were. In your bathroom, the litter box smelled like it had not been emptied and refreshed for at least a week. This is something that SHOULD be done once a day. I know. I used to take care of my ex-roommate’s cats in Ohio, and even if one would miss a single day, it would begin smelling. And finally, your kitchen had so many dirty pots, pans, and dishes that I was amazed you managed to find anything clean in which to cook our meal on Sunday night. And even the dishes that were “clean” really weren’t all that spotless. Thus, eating your meals, though they tasted quite good, really turned my stomach.

There. I said it. Please don’t construe these remarks as a personal attack. I well understand that perhaps you just didn’t know how bad the situation had become, and how neglected your apartment appears. And perhaps I should have told you about it while still there. But I wanted to figure out how best to say these things before getting into it. And I was advised by those close to me not to say anything because it would hurt your feelings. But I felt that if no one says anything to you about the problem, then you’ll never know of its existence, and thus, won’t ever solve it. While I believe you’re quite capable of maintaining a clean, inviting residence, I understand that cleanliness may not be a high priority for you. But it is for me, and therein lies a big difference in the ways you and I were raised apparently.

If I may make some suggestions: Vacuum your place two or three times a week. Especially since you have two animals living with you. Clean all bathroom fixtures at least once every two weeks. Do all dishes after each meal, or at the very least, at the end of each day. Dust every couple weeks. Clearly, these things were not done at your place in preparation for my visit.

And I was hurt that you didn’t regard my visit more highly. Now I know that you and your Mom don’t see eye to eye on many things. But you might consider listening to her when she suggests that you should tidy up around your apartment.

Well, I don’t know where this leaves us. But I cannot visit you again, while your apartment is in such disarray. I’m available to talk further about this if you’d like. But I’ll keep my distance for a while to let you “cool off” and digest this, and realize that my intent was not to make you feel bad, but rather, to help you get more out of your social encounters.

Take care. We’ll talk again sometime soon.

Tom Hesley