Vee Did Not Return
Dear [Vee],
I’m not sure what to say about last night. Oh, it was wonderful to be sure, our time together. I’d never received a dozen red roses and a card from a lady before. Thanks for that expression of your love. It will never be forgotten.
However, when you did not return, after you said you would, and you didn’t even call to say that you weren’t coming back, I was very much hurt. While I waited for you until well past 1:30 AM, much of the goodness and euphoria I felt earlier in the evening, from the roses and you, was replaced with wonder, worry, and eventually, sadness. I wondered what I had done or said to make you disappear without explanation like that, and worried that something happened to you that kept you from calling. And I was sad because I very much wanted to get pics of you and me together, to talk more to you, and just be with you a few more hours before saying a proper good-bye with the tears, Kleenex, and all. It’s unclear if you even think that you did anything improper last night, and so I will assume that you don’t. Therefore, I am not angry with you, and do not believe that you intentionally pulled last night’s stunt to hurt me. At least, I sincerely hope you’re not that sadistic. Perhaps you saw your Mom treat men like this while growing up, and thought that going back on your word was somehow okay as a result, that it wouldn’t hurt anything really. Well, it’s not okay with me. To my knowledge, I have never told you that I was going to do something, only to NOT do it, and then, not even call you to let you know. I’ve always kept my promises given to you. To me, there is nothing more sacred than a promise, than my word. However, many other folks more casually make promises, even if they don’t really know whether or not they can keep them. Might this be you?
You seem to value commitments much less than I do. This fact alone I fear, makes us hopelessly incompatible. I would never have left you last night with nary a word, as you left me. How could you do that? I really do not understand. Was there something wrong that you didn’t feel you could communicate to me? Have I ever reacted to anything you’ve told me so angrily or violently in the past, that you would be afraid to tell me things now? If our objective is to develop a close friendship, then why did you leave me so in the dark about your thoughts last night? Since our association spans several hundred miles, and would involve one or both of us making a big move so we could be together, TRUST must be a prominent part of our friendship. But what happened last night clearly undermines my ability to trust you with my feelings, much less the romantic aspects of my future. How would you ever expect that I’d move to be with you when you make it so hard to trust you?
At any rate, this act of yours may suggest that you’ve not really changed all that much since our last encounter in 1998. In fact, I see more similarities between [Vee] today and the [Vee] back then, than differences. In 1998, you were in an unhappy relationship with [your then boyfriend], and were running around on him, behind his back. Today, you’re running around on [your husband], keeping things from him about your marriage and you discontentment with it that he really ought to be told. If you are unhappy enough about the marriage that you would want to date other guys, then he needs to know that. Keeping this from him does neither of you any good, and only makes for an ugly situation when, as he will eventually learn if he doesn’t know it already, you’ve been cheating on him. Would you treat me the same way if we were ever married? And if you say no to that then why would I be any different than [these men]? Perhaps in a deluded way, I thought that you considered me very special – more special than your other men. Yet it appears that you treat me no better than they.
I bear some of the blame here as well, I should have insisted that before we met again in the flesh, that you be legally separated from [your husband]. But I was lonely, and really did miss seeing you. And so, I compromised my principals last night, and helped further this lie you’re living. I should not have done that. And I WILL NOT do it again. As long as there are other men in your life, you and I won’t be meeting in person. And we should probably stop talking so much on the phone too. I don’t want to hear anymore about how much you love me. Words mean nothing at this point.
I don’t know what more to bring up at this time. Will write more later if anything helpful comes to mind.
Later,
Tom Hesley
