Tom's Love Quest

Dear   [El],

[I did read her right. My invitation for her to come visit me did make her feel uncomfortable.]

Well, I guess it bothers me that, even though we’ve known each other for going on three years now, that you didn’t trust me enough to come by yourself. The invitation was to you, and not to anyone else – not Barb, not anyone else.

But never mind. If you don’t trust me, then I suppose I overestimated the degree of our friendship. Either that, or you are wanting to put limits on how far our friendship might develop. And I don’t like limits.

If you had concerns, I wish you would have discussed them with me at camp – let me know what I said that bothered you, or advised me as to how you felt about spending time alone together.

Tom Hesley

Dear   [El],

Glad to hear that you were doing fine. Hope your holidays were relaxing and rejuvenating, and that your academic work goes well this semester.

I want to talk to you about my invitation to you to come visit me, which I extended at the retreat in early December. I sensed that it made you uncomfortable. Your reaction seemed to suggest that you felt that it was inappropriate for me to ask at all.

Well, I don’t want to make anyone feel uneasy (at least not a second time). Therefore, I will not ask again without strong indications from you that you’d welcome such an invite. If you should ever have a change of heart, and decide that you’d enjoy visiting me, then by all means, let me know. I’ll probably be here, and if your desire at that time is genuine, I’ll gladly invite you again.

Anyway, I have to get back to work. So take care, and perhaps we’ll talk again soon.

Tom Hesley

Dear Carol,

Anytime tonight is a good time to call me. I’m at home and will be here the rest of the evening. Too cold to go anywhere.

Tom Hesley

Dear Carol,

[She wrote recently. Haven't heard from her in nearly a year.]

Yes, it is me. It’s sure nice to hear from you. I’ve missed talking to you. Give me a call sometime. 814-742-xxxx.

Or, I can call you. Let me know.

Tom Hesley

My interest in showcasing my sincerity, along with my distrust of those who hide agendas, is probably why I’m up front and honest with desirable women. I tell them that I want them within the first few conversations.

Sure. Sometimes, it’s too early to say these things. For instance, I wouldn’t tell a beautiful stranger that I’d love to kiss her feet. That’s something that’s best saved for the bedroom, if I ever get her there in the first place. Experience shows, and women confirm, that speaking this too soon is one sure way to keep her from my bed forever. So, timing of the presentation affects how women view me. If I say certain things too early, I risk destroying forever what might have turned into a wonderful association if I had only held my tongue a bit longer. I get this.

I have revealed too much at times when approaching those beautful strangers. But perhaps if I waited until after I’ve filled their heads with positive stuff about me, they’d run away less often when I finally reveal what pleases me, and so I’d get to be pleased more often.

I don’t know though. There’s just something devious and manipulative about this selective revealation approach. I hate being played. So, as the strong believer in the Golden Rule that I am, I find it shameful to play others by showing them only what I think they want to see. I admire honest people even if I reject them for what they’ve said and my hunch is that most women feel the same.

I must explore this more before taking a strong position on it.

Tom Hesley

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