Tom's Love Quest

Went to see [Emmy] for a week this month in Buffalo, New York. However, due to weak sexual interest on my part, I broke up with her mid week. I hate doing this to ladies and I’ve had these same feelings (or lack thereof) for many women now; it’s a pattern. I wonder therefore, if I’ll ever find someone for whom the passion stays high for more than just a few short months.

[Emmy] had two lady friends up there that I found intriguing. But neither of them liked me; in fact, the one said that I was butt ugly and told [Emmy] that she deserved someone better. That smarted.

But even if I could have made it with one of these ladies, I sense that before too long, I’d lose the desire for them as well, their dazzling beauty notwithstanding.

So I’m not sure how to proceed with the love quest at this point. Its rewards, when I’m lucky enough to score, always end up feeling empty after too short a time.

Many of the things I’ve chased in life are like this; not just women. I need therefore, to seek something that lasts longer. But what would that be?

Is there a woman out there who could keep my eroticism going for at least a couple years? I don’t know. I’ve always believed in her, this goddess of eternal passion, and I’ve devoted much of my life and wealth to finding her. But lately, I’m starting to doubt that she exists.

If it turns out that she does not exist, I fear that I’ll lose my direction. What dream will I have to chase then? What will I do with myself if there isn’t another equally potent dream to replace it?

Tom Hesley