Tom's Love Quest

Dear   [Ann],

Well, I’ll think about calling in again. Not sure if I want to right now. But we’ll see.

Yes, I attended a Halloween party last night and played music for it, from 8:00 – 11:30 PM. Lots of fun.

On the wedding next weekend: Yes, we just loaded the van up with the equipment this morning. We’ll be heading up to Clarion on Friday afternoon, and will be up there until Sunday morning. I have about 40 more songs to add to the computer before Friday and hope to get that done tomorrow or Tuesday. Tomorrow, Mom and I are going to State College to pick up the new CD player and wireless microphones to replace those lost in the flood. Yep, things are coming back together and everything should be set by Friday.

Two other possible gigs are coming up. One at the end of November, and the other, next August. Nothing definite though, but they look promising.

Tom Hesley

Dear   [Ann],

Haven’t responded to [C] yet. Not sure WHEN I well, but I probably will at some point.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmm.

Yes, hopefully, things will be back to normal before long with the people on the chat line.

Sounds like you have a good, healthy attitude.

Tom Hesley

Dear   [Ann],

Yes, I did write back to [C], responding to her “mean” email. However, I have not yet responded to her apology letter. I’m still considering it and will respond eventually, but am just not ready yet. I’ve attached the response I sent her, if nothing else but to help you better understand why things happened as they did.

No, I couldn’t sleep, as I’m dealing with my own pain right now. [I'm missing Ballerina] But it will pass. Until it does though, I’m probably going to have a few sleepless nights.

Tom

[Another one who doesn't like long distance relationships.]

No problem.

Take care,
Tom Hesley

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• Combating The Shame Of Rejection

Dear   [Ann],

You’re welcome [for talking with her earlier on the phone. Apparently this helped   [Ann]   achieve some closure.].

By the way, did you say something to [C] today? I just received a heart-felt apology from her in email.

Tom Hesley

[This lady rejected me due to the two-hundred mile distance between us. But I found her exceedingly attracted. So I had to persist just a little as follows:]

Megan,

Well, I’d be happy to come to you to get acquainted, if that helps. And, I know how to entertain a lady, if you come here. I promise that I’d make it worth the drive for you, and even pay for your gas.

There’s a pavilion in my back yard that has two swings in it, facing each other. Not very useful in winter to be sure. But it’s wonderful to sit out there with that special someone, across from each other, sipping lemonade (or hot chocolate, depending on the season), and philosophizing about everything from the stars to issues of the heart and the day. This is where I get the inspiration for much of my writing – from ladies who join me there. Come. And let me write about the wonderful experiences we will have if you do.

There are lots of sights to see in this area as well. Everything from the Horseshoe Curve and the Johnstown flood museum, to the mountains which are spectacular, stretching out as far as the eye can see.

So, please don’t turn me away without serious consideration. Please. Talk to me a few times. Let me tell you about my life. Let me hold your hand. Let yourself open up, say even just a little. You may find something wonderful if you do, something that you wouldn’t have expected. Something fantastic. You’d be missing out on so much if you can’t.

But If you’re still not persuaded to give me a try, I understand, and thanks so much for responding. I find you just so attractive, that I had to try (just once mind you) to change your mind. So what if you don’t like to clean? That’s from your profile. I don’t mind it. See? We compliment each other already. J

Forgive my persistence. Don’t worry. I won’t be a pest, and will leave you be if you don’t write back.

One last thought: When I came across your profile, a song flashed to mind from this past summer. Don’t know why. But it may mean something significant nonetheless. It’s by Uncle Kracker and it’s called “Rescue.”

Perhaps you’re the stranger I’m after. Maybe I’m the one you seek. Let’s find out. I mean, REALLY find out. Perhaps we can end the pain of the search for lovers. End it together. Together forever.

Take care,
Tom Hesley

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• Combating The Shame Of Rejection

[Ballerina],

I’d just like to know what happened. I thought I would have heard from you Tuesday night. But didn’t.

Things were going so well. And then, boom! You changed, drastically, going from someone who wanted to be touched all the time to someone who wished that I wasn’t around. I’ve tried calling you but there was no answer. You spent lots of time in the beginning telling me how special I was, how you enjoyed the “connection” we had, how we seemed to agree on so many things. Yet now, you don’t talk at all. Were your words before just hot air?

I believe your whole attitude changed on Sunday afternoon, apparently when we were talking about the fatness / thinness issue. If I said something you didn’t like, please give me a chance to clarify. My views on weight tend to be controversial. But people usually agree with them if they really comprehend. It’s possible that you misunderstood me. From our earlier conversations, I thought you agreed.

Or, if not the weight discussion, were you upset that I have no immediate desires to move to Europe? Again, that’s a topic that could be discussed further. Nothing is set in stone. Until Sunday, you seemed so into me, then, so out of me. Please tell me what happened. Wouldn’t you agree that you owe me at least that much?

Were you embarrassed about your life style or your apartment? I liked your place and your interest in lots of movies, and was happy you shared all that. It doesn’t matter what place we’re in, as long as we’re together.

Perhaps whatever it was that seems to have offended you, was due to our language or cultural differences. If I made a mistake, let me know. Even if I can’t repair it with you, the information would help me in future relationships.

I thought until this weekend that you were an open communicator. But you haven’t fully explained your reasons for treating me so coldly on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. Please communicate with me just one more time. That’s all I ask. Just tell me why you got so distant. Don’t leave me hanging like this.

If you don’t respond, then I suppose I’ll have to just accept the fact that I’ll never understand why someone who seemed to care for me so much, suddenly couldn’t care less. I hope you’ll be humane at least, and help me achieve closure by telling me what went wrong. I won’t judge you. I just want to know. That’s all.

I won’t write again if I don’t hear from you. While our time together so far was short, I’m sincerely glad that you stopped by for a spell. Thanks for everything.

Tom Hesley

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• Coping With The Ultimate Rejection

Hi [Kandi].

Well, easy come, easy go. The new girlfriend is a girlfriend no more.

Went to Pittsburgh to visit her for four days this past weekend. The first half was wonderful. But then, she inexplicably became distant – no more return kisses and her hand stayed limp when I’d reach for it. She said it was her period that made her not wish to be touched. But she has not called me since I returned home, and when I call her, there is no answer. She has a caller Id box, and so I suspect that she’s screening her calls. Well, no matter. It’s on to greener pastures. There are lots of other “perfect 10s” out there to date.

Speaking of time with a perfect 10, how would you like to spend some time together over the Christmas holiday season? It’d be fun having you come here. Perhaps there’d be snow and we could take a walk up this mini mountain here that has spectacular views of other mountains off in the distance and the valleys below. After the walk, we could make some hot chocolate. There are lots of shows and Christmas lights in the area we might see as well. And I could show you some of my picture collection.

Hope you made it through mid-terms in one piece.

Later,
Tom Hesley

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• Necessary Verses Needless Rejections

Dear   [Ann],

If you want to talk about how / why I ended it, I can do that. Just give me a call when you’re ready. Perhaps talking things out will help you come to understand that this was very torturous for me as well.

Yes, I’ve had to end some other relationships in a similar way. [Emmy]  was one of them – she was obsessive about her guide dog, [...], talked a lot with other men, and was 22 years younger than me to boot. Sheryl [...] was another – well, you know why I had to leave her. Each [relationship] had its own set of reasons for ending.

On the other hand, I’ve been left by women more times than I can count.   [First Love]   broke my heart. So did [Shaina], [Emeebee], [Judy], [Kar], [Vee], and others. I’ve done my share of crying over women who thought me not good enough for them to fall in love with.

It’s hard to find a “right” one – where both people find each other attractive, and continue to feel that way over time – especially after the first fight. Hopefully, each time through it though, we learn more about what we need to look for and insist on the next time around.

I knew you were going to be hurt, having been in that position of being left myself many times. That’s why telling you was so difficult. I do not relish hurting anybody. That’s the big problem in searching for a right person – sometimes, many people are victimized by the quest. But please believe me when I say that hurting you was the last thing I wanted to do. If I indeed talked to you too long before ending things, this was why – I couldn’t bare the though of causing you pain.

Yea, perhaps I’m not much of a man as I’ve been told, for handling things as I did. But I couldn’t leave you high and dry while [your daughter] was still at home, and I wasn’t sure back then that things wouldn’t work out romantically for us. It’s very difficult (and some would say “shallow”) to quickly make the decision to leave. Perhaps you’ve never had this trouble – you certainly rejected me quickly enough back in 1974. But for me, it’s often not so easy.

I want to fix your computer for you, but don’t want to come there until I sense that we’re really past this. Hopefully you can forgive me and we can be friends again.

Tom

[ [Ann]   emailed me, asking if I was gay. I responded as follows:]

No, I am not. I find some women very attractive.

Well, sounds like you’re still bitter, and are probably not ready to be friends yet?

Tom Hesley