Letter to Ann’s Friends
Ladies,
You probably know by now that [Ann] and I are not speaking, and she may have you thinking that I’m a jerk, a cad, and lots of other unfavorable things. Yes, I had to back away because for one, she was developing more feelings for me than I could sincerely reciprocate. You should know that I never kissed her on the lips, never touched her private parts, nor did we ever have sex. Perhaps this is more than you needed to know. But it’s important to me that you understand my side. I never referred to [her] as my “girlfriend” either in public or private, and did what I could, short of ending the friendship sooner, to discourage her from seeing me as a lover and “the answer to her prayers.”
But apparently, my repeated reluctance to talk about life in terms of she and I with her, wasn’t enough. Though we never talked once about a future together, she kept getting closer and wanting more. Now I wanted to give the relationship every chance to blossom. So, yes, I spent lots of time talking to her over the past few months, and visited her earlier this month. Maybe I hung out with [her] for longer than I should have. But, unfortunately, I never found those feelings I had thirty years ago, though I desperately wanted to find them. More than anything. Please believe that.
But finding them where they were not, was beyond my power We don’t turn romantic feelings on and off at will. They are gifts from God, or destiny, or timing, or whatever your religious beliefs happen to be. Whether they come or not is part of a process that is beyond my control.
I know now that her and I getting together was just not meant to be. I had hoped to come to a different conclusion, and perhaps, as noted, I stayed with her too long while I searched. Yet I was as honest with her as possible without needlessly hurting her.
But when a relationship ends, it seems that someone is always going to feel cheated and betrayed, no matter what steps are taken to prevent that. Believe me, I did everything I knew how to do, to minimize her pain. However, there was no way to completely protect her from it. Hurting her, hurt me as well.
Also, a lady has come into my life that appears to embody everything I’m seeking in a lover. She’s a prima ballerina and she’s beautiful, intelligent, is health-conscious, and seems to care a great deal about me. She takes my breath away now, just like [Ann] did in 1974. And the cool thing is that she sees me as her dream guy too. I sense no deception from her and feel so relaxed when we’re together.
In fact, speaking of “togetherness,” she drove here on Monday to visit and liked it so much that she ended up staying the night. She met Mom and the two of them hit it right off. Next time she comes, she’ll meet my sisters. I’m making a trip to Pittsburgh this weekend to see her again, and she’s coming to Altoona the weekend after that.
I can’t say where this new relationship is going, but I feel so wonderful around her and she cares so much, that it hopefully will last forever. We didn’t have to work for these feelings. Not like I struggled to find them with [Ann]. They were just there, right from the start.
I realize that [Ann] may have you thinking the worst of me. But please be open-minded enough to realize that there are always at least two sides to every story, and that I left her as I did because I believed with all my heart that it was the only choice available. No, I never set out to hurt [her]. And I agonized over the decision to scale back our relationship for more than two weeks. I had to be sure that leaving her was the right thing to do. Please don’t think badly of me for wanting to take the time I needed to be absolutely certain.
I’ve enjoyed talking to the both of you on the chat line, and hope that after the dust settles, that I can rejoin you. I won’t call in for a while, to give [Ann] a chance to heal. I ask that you not judge me harshly because I acted in the best interests of my own happiness, and (believe it or not) [hers] too. I hope one day, [she] realizes that, and that she and I can be friends again. But if not, oh well. That’s life.
Later,
Tom Hesley
