[Nicky]i,
The AOL software may have settings that make it prevent you from receiving attachments and URLs. I don’t, unfortunately, know much about AOL these days. But perhaps if you called AOL customer service, and told them that you’re having trouble receiving the pictures and web site addresses I’m sending you, they might be able to tell you how to enable receipt of these. It may be a configuration option.
Tom
Hi Lisa.
Thanks for responding. Yes, waiting for “the best” is sound philosophy. I’ll keep looking. 
Take care,
Tom
Dear [Nicky],
Hmmm. Not sure what to do. AOL must remove URLs and attachments to help prevent viruses from spreading. Let me give it some thought.
Tom
Hi [Nicky].
Enjoyed talking with you last night. Sending you a couple pictures of me, as we discussed. This one is of me Djing a sweet-sixteen birthday party in 2003.
I thought I’d send you a link to my profile on match.com. I’ve written a little about myself, my views, and desires there. Check it out, and let me know if you think we’re a good match and want to keep communicating.
Tom
[This lady rejected me because she says that I'm so focussed on avoiding fat mates, and this she said, is very shallow. So I responded as follows:]
Well, at first, many react to my profile as you did. But once they get to know me, they understand that I’m focused on so much more than just a healthy body weight. Ultimately, I am focused on the woman’s mind. But I believe that how she keeps her body is a strong and accurate indicator of how her mind is working. If she’s got a body of sloth, in my experience, her mind is likewise lazy. Would you not agree?
Besides, for whatever reason, on an instinctual level, I just don’t find the heavier set appealing, and refuse to date someone merely because society says I should be able to see beyond whatever it is about them that turns me off. Since, in my estimation, we don’t control who we’re attracted to, then the best I can do to maximize my chances of getting with someone attractive, is to be honest about what I desire. Shallow or not, I seem to be chemically drawn to women of my height or taller, and who are thin.
It’s apparent from your bio that you’re careful about how and what you eat. And I expect that you don’t suffer many health problems due to what you put in your mouth either. That said, don’t you want to be appreciated for your dedication to good health? Do you really believe that it’s the mark of a good man, who can turn his head when his girl starts overeating and blows up like a balloon? Somehow, I don’t see you staying with a man who gains a lot of weight because he neglects his body. Perhaps you would. I don’t know. But if you did, you’d be defying the odds.
I’ve dated numerous heavy ladies over the years, searching for a different view than the one I’m relating to you now. However, all it did was confirm the beliefs that I’m stating here. What I found was that their heaviness was not their only problem. Most of them were moody, with sometimes drastic mood swings. Easy to understand, given their diets of doughnuts and bon bons and sugar galore. You ever read the book “Sugar Blues” by Mike Duffy? In it, he documents that sugar is a depressant and it changes the personalities of those who consume very much of it. It makes them irritable and forgetful. They get colds more often because sugar depletes the immune system. It makes them tired in the afternoon and interferes with good sleeping at night. It’s terribly addictive, and, most visibly, it makes people fat. Chances are that if you show me a fat person, I can show you a person who is eating too much refined sugar, and that their personality is less attractive as a result.
No, I don’t think of myself as “shallow.” It’s not wrong to want someone who values their health as highly as I value mine, someone who makes those values apparent by sporting a thin, healthy body. Show me a healthy body, and I’ll show you a healthy mind and personality. The two go together, and contrary to popular opinion, cannot be separated since the state of the mind affects so directly the state of the body, and vice versa.
Anyway, enough for now. Write to me again if you desire. I’d enjoy debating this with you. Challenge me, and I’ll challenge you. Be ready to learn new ways of thinking about weight. You already seem to know a great deal. Your thinness attests to that.
Take care,
Tom Hesley
[Kandi],
No, you didn’t do anything to mislead me, and no, I’m not upset. I figured that dating you was a long shot anyhow, with you being in college and just starting out with your adult life, not to mention my own life being rather unsettled at the moment. But hey, I had to try.
But don’t go away yet. I have a proposition for you. Sure, we can keep emailing, as friends, and I sincerely hope we do.
Though we won’t be a couple, I must say that I’d still welcome a physical relationship with you. Specifically, I’d enjoy giving you foot and leg massages. No strings. If I can’t have your heart, can I at least have your lower body for an afternoon? I won’t ask you to be my girlfriend again, unless you broach the subject. I promise. But like [Jack], I appreciate a pretty lady’s feet and legs. I’m just not as likely to act out in public as he is.
I don’t mean to criticize [Jack]. He has his way of doing it, and I have mine. The fact that he and I share this interest gives us lots in common and is probably why we’re such good friends. But I tend to be more private about it, as I would like to be with you. This would be between you and me. No one else need know about it, unless of course, you want to tell them.
So, all that said, would you still consider coming here in December, and granting me a couple hours to pamper your body from the upper thigh down? I have creams, oils, and soaps to wash your feet, and the strong hands to give a relaxing yet energizing massage. I’m very accomplished at foot worship too, and if you’re a bit adventurous and can relax, I promise you’d feel like a queen when it’s done. I’m told I’m quite good at it.
Think about it, and let me know your thoughts, Queen [Kandi].
[This lady said simply that she just did not see any match between us. So I responded as follows:]
Thanks so much for writing back.
Take care,
Tom
Dear [Ann],
Thanks so much for your support. Sometimes, I don’t ask people for support enough, when I really need it. But when I asked, you were right there. You are indeed a very special friend.
Tom Hesley
[C],
Your point about the ballerina is well-taken. She seemed like an open communicator for several weeks at the beginning. But then, to just up and leave with nary a word. Well, after all she said about wanting to be with me and how she said it over and over, it was just inconceivable that she could do such a thing, unless she was either playing me for some reason, or is just very fickle. Whatever. I’m pretty much over it now. But you want to talk about someone sending the wrong signals? Hey, the ballerina was it. *grin*
However, let me say that anyone could have done what she did, regardless of their looks. It does not necessarily follow that the better looking the person, the more likely they are to treat someone bad. It’s just that so often we hear about the “good looking” people doing that, because those who were hurt probably wouldn’t go out with someone they didn’t find attractive in the first place. The only way they could really be hurt by this sort of thing is by someone they find attractive. Thus, their conclusion that only the most attractive people do this to them. Then, they hold this up as a good reason not to vest too much in a person’s looks, sighting their own hurtful experiences with the lookers.
I don’t believe for a minute that the ballerina’s looks had much to do directly with how she treated me. Since she’s from abroad, there may have been cultural and language barriers that we failed to overcome. But I’m glad and thankful for the time we had, and hopefully someone will come along again very soon that makes me feel as she did. While it lasted, I couldn’t have been happier.
I’m glad I came back to the chat line too. I missed you folks. All of you were just reacting as you did in order to protect [Ann], and I respect that. If I had been a bystander in all this and another guy had been the one who hurt [her], I’d have probably reacted as you did and came to her defense. No problem. You just did what was normal to do, to show your loyalty to [Ann].
Yes, there’s much about the way society does things that shouldn’t be the case. But it *is* the case unfortunately, and one person in one generation is probably not going to change it. Yes, appearance affects so much. Did you know that if a person doesn’t have a clean, white, straight-toothed smile, that their chances of getting a white-collar job are drastically reduced? Also, the shorter the man, the less likely he is to have a mate and to have children? I got this from the short people’s support web site. Men who don’t have any children are on average two inches shorter than those who do. There are indeed, lots of injustices stemming from appearance concerns, I agree.
But I can’t change how I feel. That ballerina for example, made my heart skip five beats every time she came into the room. It really was like a strong magnet, pulling me to her. The reaction was almost instinctual, and I certainly didn’t will it to happen. It just did.
I suppose the part of this I am responsible for, is my decision not to date anyone who doesn’t produce those feelings in my heart and loins. I’ve concluded based on years of hard experience, that I probably won’t ever be fulfilled in relationships, where that feeling isn’t present. Relationships devoid of that chemistry and romance, I find boring, and the girl and I end up fighting, probably as a last-ditch effort to overcome the boredom. No, I must feel the strong draw of attraction in order to fall in love. Had the ballerina been a better communicator, and allowed me to talk through the problem with her, we might still be together, and happy today. But it wasn’t to be I guess.
All right. Well, I’m going to get going, and perhaps I’ll catch you on the chat line tonight.
Later,
Tom Hesley
[This lady rejected me due to the long distance between us. So I responded as follows:]
Thanks so much for responding, and good luck with your move.
Tom
Tom's Love Quest is proudly powered by
WordPress
Entries (RSS)
and Comments (RSS).