Writing Motivation Faltering
I haven’t written a whole lot lately. As I said, I think I understand why. I cannot write with any credibility the story I most want to tell, because I don’t yet have the woman of my dreams in my life. So it is that I’ve not yet learned the information I must, to acquire her. It is _this_ information that I want to get, then write into my books and articles. I’d like to tell them of the philosophies I adopted that finally brought her to me. I’d rather write _the meat_ about what’s worked, not merely what made me feel better along the journey.
1. How would a handicapped person interest someone great?
2. How does a person whom the crowd considers to be generally unattractive find his happiness in a relationship?
No, I don’t believe that the trick to this is to settle, even though lots of people wind up settling. I believe that there’s got to be someone out there who’ll think of me as a dream guy, and who I behold as a dream girl. But so far, I’ve not found such a person.
Now there have been some close ones like Jitka K. If she’d been living in this country and a little more mature, and had been more settled on what she really wanted, we would have been so good together. As it was, it didn’t work out.
Also, another dream girl, Alex C, with whom I fell in love a year earlier, wound up marrying someone else. This type of stuff just happens to me time and time again. So what makes me think people will believe anything I advise when I can’t even find women to love me?
Why do I repeatedly encounter all this misfortune and heartache from the women I love? Are they all bad? Can I only fall in love with people who eventually hurt me? I don’t believe I’m picking bad women, and certainly not doing it on purpose if I am. If I’m going to be painfully honest, I just think that most women don’t find me attractive enough to date. They lack respect for me so often _because_ they’re not attracted to me. Now there have been women that found me beautiful, like [Emmy] did for a while. Heck, I think she still does. She and I talked last night, and she’s telling me that she’s still attracted to me and very sad that I have such impossibly high standards and thus, can’t find it in myself to love her. She says people who know me say I’m a perfectionist and that I’ll never settle down with anyone. But like I told her, I know firsthand that there are many women out there who do attract me, and so I must hold out until one of _them_ finds me attractive back. So I just don’t believe that settling is the answer. Because I feel like this, I’ll probably spend the rest of my life alone.
But Hopefully, eventually I’ll have some real success to write about.
