Gold Digging Vs. Thin Digging

So how about those gold diggers, ‘eh? You know gold diggers; those people who seek mates not for mating purposes, but Instead, to get their money.

So why do folks dig for gold? They want the money without incurring the toil usually needed to earn it. They want the better life and the trappings that lots of money can buy, and care less about the people they use and hurt to get that. They want a luxurious life of ease it would seem. Some feel that they need to work others like this so they can survive. Others believe they’ll be happier if they have more money, which in itself is probably a flawed belief. I’ll examine these further, below.

Do you remember a couple segments ago where I compared my interest in a woman’s beauty to her interest in a man’s money? I discussed similarities between the two perspectives. I said that they’re both valid and acknowledged the legitimate reasons for women to seek money in their mate’s wallet.

But now let’s discuss the many differences. For one, I find the woman repugnant who expects a man to take care of her, without her lifting a finger to earn her keep. I don’t _keep_ a woman. I won’t repeatedly fill her purse so she can indulge in vices and other needless spending – nail polish, alcohol, drugs, designer clothes, manicures, pedicures, a fancier-than-necessary car, and such. I won’t do it because my income is modest to begin with, too modest for these sorts of frivolous purchases.

At one time, women had to rely on men to fill their financial needs. Back in the first half of the twentieth century a woman’s place was indeed in the home, and it was felt that she should be completely provided for by her lover. After all, if she couldn’t work outside the home, then how would she feed and clothe herself without a man to do these things for her? So, the culture of the time encouraged ladies to choose mates who could keep them well. That was true, back then in American culture. But not today.

Now, a lot more opportunities in business have opened up for women. The culture of today sees women as more self-sufficient and encourages them to provide for themselves. Indeed, the economy of today virtually mandates that both members of a couple have incomes if they want to raise healthy offspring. So they have less excuse for staying home and more incentive to go out and make a living to buy the things they want. There’s less need therefore, for women to look to a rich man to sweep her off her feet.

Yet just yesterday I read a personals ad from a woman saying she wants someone wealthy who can pamper and spoil her. Those things are nice. But when she expects them as a condition for giving her love, she insults the modern-day ideal of relationships, which is the exchange of love and romance. I wouldn’t mind supplying some niceties. But if she insists on receiving them before offering her affection? Well, then I mind it much more. Why? Because this tit for tat behavior resembles prostitution and makes her look like a whore for hire. Gold diggers say that the more money a man has, the more likely they’ll be with him and give him what he wants in and out of the bedroom. Should a lady do that to me, I’d think that she likes my money and not me, and this would blunt any romance I’d otherwise feel for her.

But gold digging is much worse morally than beauty-seeking. Unlike the man who must work hard to make lots of money, a naturally beautiful, physically fit woman need not put as much effort into keeping herself pretty. Since prettiness generally equates to good health, staying healthy (and thus, pretty) requires not the sort of minute-to-minute, daily effort that making money does. It may initially, especially if you’re used to eating lots of the wrong foods and you must learn to eat correctly. Surely, it take effort to correct a lifetime of wrong conditioning surrounding food. But once the patterns are changed, once you’re there, it doesn’t take much to maintain. However, making a lot of money generally does take monumental effort. The money maker must work every business day generally, debate and contend with people, often eat crow, put his ideas up against nay sayers, and so on. Making money is hard. It takes a level of sustained effort that preserving a naturally beautiful body I’m looking for does not. So why should I have to put forth any more effort to be my dream girl’s dream guy, than she does to be my dream girl? There’s no good reason except that the gold diggers insist on it, and that doesn’t seem fair.

If you don’t think that it’s easier to sustain natural beauty than a fat wallet, then consider a new book out now from this French woman who migrated to America several years ago. She’s a CEO of a New York company and her book is called _French Women Don’t Get Fat_ She says that they don’t spend lots of time in the gym. Nor do they obsess over what they eat. They live by the motto of moderation. Once a woman establishes routines that embody the picture of good health in a thin body, maintenance is a breeze for the French ladies. It’s no struggle for them.

Another point: Unlike a woman keeping her body thin, which is a very healthy activity, the task of making money is typically unhealthy. In order to earn big, one shows higher rates of stress-related illnesses — cancer, heart disease, obesity, and the like. One rich fellow I knew in the 90s owns a moving company. The “poor” guy worries so much about how he’ll make his next dollar, that he has little time to take care of himself. Years of this near constant stress and self-neglect left him grossly overweight. When you talk to him, you’ll usually hear of his concern about work, keeping the company going, and having to negotiate with customers all the time. His job is killing him.

So it follows that when a woman demands that her man be rich, she’s really insisting that he jeopardize his health for her pleasure, since as shown above, making money is hard on the body. Stress not only shortens life, but it lowers its quality to boot. Gold-diggers care little for his welfare, and the show this with their monetary demands. “I don’t care if it kills you,” they say in essence. “Just keep the money coming.” Gold-digging therefore, dehumanizes and I’m left wondering if those who do it even know how to love.

Not so for beauty seeking. Asking a lady to be beautiful and thin is the same as wanting her to be healthy since it’s difficult to have beauty without health. I care that she’s healthy because I care that she’s beautiful, and vice versa. I want her to perpetuate her good health to lengthen her life, and improve its quality, free from obesity, so that she’ll be around a long time. Thus thin-digging is not at all like gold-digging. The former is noble and loving, while the latter is selfish and insensitive.

When I want thin women, I’m not demanding that they must go under the knife and have gastric bypass or stomach stapling surgery, liposuction, take diet pills, or whatever unhealthy thing a person might try to get thin. There are many healthy, low-risk ways to acquire and preserve thinness that don’t harm the lady, and in fact make her better for the effort.

But then again, I’m not sure I’d even ask a lady to lose weight, particularly if she has a history of being heavy. Because she’d likely have the big folds of fat-vacated skin, and so look like a deflated basketball rather than the lean, tight-fitting skin of a thin woman who’s never been obese. Plus, even if she got thin for me, she’s most likely gain it back in a few years or less. So, that is a major difference.

Gold-digging Vs. Body-digging. Ah! There’s another difference. A good physical appearance fosters a good mental disposition. It makes one feel better about themselves and their relationship with the world. Why? Because other people approve of it. And with high group approval, one has more opportunities in most every discipline. Looks count!

A healthy physical appearance is easier to keep than a big wallet, and so, is less temporary generally. It outlasts the wad. Now we do hear about a lot of guys who, once they build a rich empire, manage to retain it for the rest of their lives. In fact, it might last many generations, being passed down from father to son ten or more times. The money stays in the family if managed well. So there are many cases where the money is for all intents and purposes, permanent. I can’t deny that. But because it takes so much effort to acquire and retain, money is more transitory, and so will probably disappear over time than a woman’s good looks. It happens often that a man who, as a youngster is hungry and driven and so makes a fortune in his twenties and thirties, that he grows tired and burned out in his forties, loses his drive, and so, allows his fortune to slip away. Or, his health may give out as noted earlier, and he has no choice to let his fortune go by spending it to repair his worn out and broken body. No one likes to feel that if he doesn’t perform well, he’ll lose his lover.

Money-making is dissonant, while maintaining a healthy body is consonant. Because of that, people are more likely to be discouraged after sweating so long to make a large pot of gold. This is what happened to me at my job of fifteen years, when I realized that happiness does not equate to having a large bank account. Eventually, I decided that it wasn’t worth having to drag myself into a job everyday I hated. Now if I had a woman at that time who was after my money, I’d have lost her. She would have divorced me had we been married.

Now I concede that a beautiful body is temporary as well, or it at least _can_ be. It doesn’t have to be though. I’m not referring to the occasional wrinkle or the flabby skin that age brings with it. What I mean here are symptoms of excess indulgence. These, much more than healthy aging, detract from someone’s beauty. Smoking. Taking drugs. Drinking too much. Too much time in the sun. I’m talking about grace-devoid activities where people overdo it, or do what they shouldn’t be doing at all. These are what _really_ negate a lady’s beauty, not the natural ravages of aging. As I’ve said, I saw a woman at a friend’s Christmas party who was seventy years old, and yet, she was beautiful. She had terrific legs and it was obvious that she cared deeply about her health. So, even in spite of her silver hair, facial wrinkles, and transparent skin on her wrists, she was still beautiful to quite the knee-weakening degree. She made my heart pitter patter. Hers was the natural sort of aging that I don’t mind, as opposed to the reckless-abandon kind of forced aging that makes so many pretty women ugly. In so preserving her good looks through good practices, she was also preserving her life and her enjoyment of it. Thus, pursuit and maintenance of natural beauty is a good one. Whatever you can do to preserve and extend the quality of your life, that makes you more attractive.

Women call me a body digger while I’d say that a lot of them are gold diggers. I see a healthy body as a reasonable expectation of a mate, because insisting on this is better for the relationship overall than a woman insisting that a man be a millionaire. So, somebody who picks a mate because he feels that physical attraction, this person is more likely to stay interested in her over the long term, because his passion comes less from changeable things about her.

Gold-digging isn’t a healthy basis for any romantic relationship, and may in fact discourage romance, particularly should the fellow learn too early of her interest in his monetary assets.

What’s wrong with digging gold? It encourages unnatural if not unhealthy behavior. Often, in order to make lots of money, people ignore their true desires and pursue careers not because they really like them, but because they can make lots of money at them. Their careers become means to an end, rather than an end in and of themselves. This not only contributes to burn-out on the job but can also make for bad moods at home. If a fellow wants to please a keep a gold-digging woman around, then he may forego his real career passions and pick a job that affords this luxury. This is generally not a good choice and the women are wrong for encouraging someone to choose that way.

Gold digging provides fertile ground for the sort of ugly cut-throat competition that fosters resentment and can lead to out and out fights. It hurts when a man is bested by another, who has more money; especially if that means that the poorer one will lose his woman to the richer one. Some people would kill out of vengeance in this situation. Not good.

Generally, those who have lots of money are unwilling to share it with proclaimed gold diggers. So by openly gold digging, the digger may reduce his or her chances of actually finding gold.

A gold digger cannot promise with sincerity to love her mate through thick and thin or for richer or for poorer. Since money is temporary and could be lost in the future, she’d likely leave her man if his money was her primary motivation for staying. In this scenario, her vows mean nothing. She ought to say, “I promise to love you, for better and for worse, as long as you keep the money coming in.” Bad.

Gold digging creates one more thing for guys to worry about when looking for mates.

But all that notwithstanding, do men have the right to criticize women for gold digging, when they themselves are body digging? Given all of the above, yes they do. What I’m asking a woman for as I scan for heavenly bodies will, as noted, strengthen her and extend her life, as opposed to shortening it and making her sicklier. True. Not everyone who is rich lives an unhealthy life. Indeed some of the wealthy epitomize health and vigor. They live very well, are happy with what they do, and so, they feel good. As a result, they live long. But this is so often not the case. People are generally stressed out in their dollar quests. They take hundreds of pills a year for upset stomachs, sleeping problems, headaches, and such. In addition to tranquilizers, they take antidepressants too. Not even the drug companies really know what these people are doing to their insides by taking these drugs over the long term. It seems that making money requires a person to live a less-than-great life style.

I remember back at the place I worked in 1992, when we had to stay those long hours for one month during the summer. That was no fun. Eight o’clock AM until one o’clock AM were the daily hours, seven days a week. Now, parts of that were enjoyable, because a bunch of us that did it together and it didn’t feel laborious. We joked, enjoyed lots of different food, and kept each other awake. But to stay alert, I drank pop all the time, and gained twenty pounds that month. I did it so I could get ahead. So I could make more money. I believed I was furthering my cause — to attract my dream girl. After going on two decades of that, I have yet to find her. But I did learn that getting rich does exact an expensive toll. It’s not that way for everybody. But for me so far, that’s exactly how it’s been.

I can’t harp on this enough. For a woman to make her body beautiful and sustain it, this is neither as hard nor as detrimental to one’s health. In fact, it’s the opposite. Natural good looks last longer than a big wallet, because a big wallet, unless it’s a birthright, never happens naturally. It requires some amount of work, discipline, and just plain doing things that aren’t fun to get it. I’m only after those who naturally please my eye; who do so without much effort. Makeup is not needed. Her beauty is a gift from above, not made by her own hand. I don’t want a struggler. I want the naturally beautiful woman, who needs no breast implants ans who is totally comfortable with who she is. No tummy-tucks. No skin-stretching. Come as you are, I say. And I’ll take you as you are, if I like you. :-)

Even when I had lots of money, should a woman show too much interest in my extravagance, or expect me to routinely pay her bills, hey, no way. That’s just not the way I’m wired. I’m a woman’s libber and believe that they should be earning their own money unless of course they can’t for some reason. Or, at least, if they’re not making as much of their own money as they’d like, living modestly and not pressuring a guy to keep them in luxury.

Alright, so we’re talking about money being more temporary and how much more selfish than body digging, that gold digging is. We’re talking about money being removed from its rightful owner and how it is likely not indicative of the innards of the person who made it, unlike natural physical appearance, Money is not does not necessarily paint a picture of good health, whereas a pleasantly-appearing body does. Yes, lots of money, depending on how it’s made, might say _something_ about the values and upbringing of the person who earned it, and their overall ability to win at the game of life. Not necessarily. Somebody with modest dreams and goals could win the lottery. Time and time again, we see such winners who would seem to have the world at their feet, quickly blow their fortunes, and wind up in greater debt than they were before winning. They overindulged.

And, it’s no fun to get into a relationship when you see the end looming. How can you plan for a life together, whenever it’s clear that in a year, or two, or five down the road, something might happen that ends it. When a woman’s passion for a man is based on his money, that’s a likely occurrence since as discussed earlier, money is quite temporary.

I argue that the amount of a man’s money is not really what fires a woman’s passion anyway, though many ladies insist that it does. I’ve heard so many stories that fit the saying: First you marry for love, then you marry for money. It’s so important for some women to live in the lap of luxury that they’re willing to forego the chemical passions in a relationship, the romance, and the physical pleasures of being with someone who’s attractive without money. Some of them even talk it down. They dismiss the man’s physical needs, while extolling their own monetary ones. But that’s not healthy because they are dong without, at that point, what _really_ brings two people together, and that’s the romance.

Romance binds supremely, not the money. When there’s _true romance_, you know, romance that lasts a little while (maybe six months at least), the chances are that it will last much longer. My life experience confirms this. Take my   [first love]   for example. I mean, I still love her, and probably will for the rest of my days. Now I’m not pained anymore that we’re apart. But I still think of her occasionally even though I’d probably never pursue a relationship with her again because it was so painful. I still find her very attractive, and certainly not because she had a lot of money, and not because I was confident that she’d make a lot of money in the future. Rather, it was because she looked healthy. Not an excess pound on her and she cared about keeping it that way. So women who look to money to make the relationship a good one, yes, I think they’re shallow because they’re not considering the true essence of the man if they take him for his dollars alone. But the pleasure they get from that money is not from him per se. It’s from his money.

As mentioned earlier: Money is a more temporary feature of a man, than good looks are to a lady. It would seem to be not as indicative of his true essence as her appearance is to hers. Also, when money is involved, it’s like my experience with the ballerina. Let’s say she was just after my wallet. Now I don’t know this for sure. But the way things unfolded suggest that this was probably the case. She might have been looking for the means to move back to her country. That, coupled with the fact that she mentioned plans to marry me though I’d only known her a month. What would have happened once we got over there? Once she got what she wanted from me, if we would have gotten married and went to Europe, would she have dumped me? She might have left me in a country where I didn’t speak the native language and where few speak mine. So, I wasn’t going to do that. When a woman wants a man for his money, the basis on which she considers him useful won’t last as long, for his usefulness would end when his money ran out. If the ballerina was really in love with my true essence, she’d have likely stayed in love because this whole-person essence is generally more static than a particular feature of the person. If she was looking for a specific thing to spend my money on (like the one-way trip to her native land), then once she got there, why else would she stay with me? As it was, once she learned that I was couldn’t afford to move her and myself to Europe she disappeared. Upon learning that my gold mine was empty, she left. She didn’t really want me therefore, for the person I was. You could argue that the amount of money a person has is just as indicative of the person’s true essense as is a pretty body. But I would dispute that.

Gold digging is using a person for what he can provide, rather than basking in what he is, as he is. The joy gotten from the money isn’t from him per se, at least not after the money is provided. There’s the other problem that someone who makes a lot of money is married more to their career than to a lover. The ballerina used to tell me about her dates with rich guys. She said that they know their jobs and career real well. But when it comes to human interaction outside of their work, they suck. They’re no good at it. They’re culturally backward and unaware of how to share themselves while staying relaxed, and they’re no fun to be with. That’s great if all you’re after a man for is his money. In that case, his social disposition wouldn’t matter. But it’s certainly not the best way to live one’s life, I don’t think. You know, pleasing yourself with someone else’s dollars as opposed to their affection and closeness, and health, how they talk, the things they say, and how they do things. So, gold digging differs vastly from body digging. More hateful. And, I’m not sure what else to say about it.

The whole business with the ballerina illustrates how abruptly temporary a monetary passion can be. When someone has a hidden agenda for your money, such as the ballerina seemed to have for me, where she wanted desperately to get back to Europe, the sincerity of her passions for us was doubtful. Gold diggers often have hidden agendas.

Not that only gold diggers have agendas. Indeed just about everyone does, of one sort or another. But the agenda of a gold digger is offensive, and implies covert manipulation to pull off. It’s a repulsive agenda in my book. They hide it because they know in their hearts that it’s wrong and that people wouldn’t put up with it if they knew of it. They whisper in the shadows rather than proudly standing up and admitting it. They rarely say directly to a guy that they’re after him so they can get back to Europe. Why would I part with my hard-earned money just to get her home? She’d get what she wanted while I got nothing. I believe Judge Judy would call something like this ‘unfair enrichment’ because a woman is getting herself ahead by standing on the back of her mate. It’s exploitation. Enjoying the benefits of another’s money when you have no intension of staying with them once you get what you want, that’s exploitation, and no good.

Not so of body digging. Well, I can hear some women saying, “Oh yea it is! If a guy doesn’t get sex, he’ll take off eventually. He’ll go find someone else.” Yes. That’s probably true, just as if certain gold digging women don’t get the money they’re after, they’ll move on as well. But with sex, both people stand to benefit. If a woman feels that she deserves anything more for her sexual favors than the pleasure she gets from receiving _his_ sexual favors, then there’s something wrong. If she’s willing to say, “Yes, that was nice. But I also want $100 too, or I want that trip to Europe, or whatever.” If she’s willing to say this, then she’s not loving him correctly.

I’ve said a lot about this, but don’t feel like I’m actually getting to the core of it. I haven’t expressed exactly what I’d like to. But I’ll keep thinking about it. I don’t know. I don’t like it. I don’t like when a woman looks at the size of my wallet and decides whether or not she’s going to take her clothes off for me based on that. I don’t think this is the same as looking at her body and saying, “Is she beautiful enough for me?” It’s not the same at all. I could argue that it is, but it’s clear to me today that it’s not. I can see both sides, but I’m definitely against the gold diggers’ side. A woman who digs for gold in a man’s heart should be rebuked, rejected, and shamed, whereas a man who seeks physical appearance, or more generally speaking, the romantic attraction, he’s to be commended because he’s discouraging unhealthy ways of living in women, by rejecting those who get frumpy. He’s also promoting a healthier society by insisting on beauty.

Also consider that while a money supply is generally limited, potential health supplies are not. More people can improve their health if they choose. But not as many can be rich, not without the economy breaking down.

A few other thoughts: Gold diggers underestimate the virtues of a person who has little money. Should they learn that he has little money, they’ll just toss him away without bothering to see if he’s a nice guy.

I’ll keep thinking about this because as I say, I’m just not there yet. Maybe I’ll read about gold diggers and body diggers and see what we can come up with. Let me get back to you. Stand by.

Tom Hesley

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