Lying Makes Gold Digging Bad
Gold Digger: a person who seeks another for their money, as opposed to their physical or other legitimate attraction.
We established in the last couple segments that there are many similarities between the gold digging and the pursuit of genuine love. The person who’s not aware of all the arguments might say that it’s no better to lust after a woman for her body than it is to lust after a man for his money. But as discussed earlier, I don’t believe that. In pursuing a woman for the physical attraction, we are edifying her totality as a person. But she who chases the man for his dollar is not so doing for the man. It’s the differences between the two that makes them impossible. Therefore, physical attraction-based mating is _the_ right way to do it.
Now that said, I believe that one’s physical appearance is more indicative of the essence of the person than is how much money he makes. A lot of people make a lot of money doing things that they don’t really want to do, and their health suffers because of it. In fact, most people, according to recent surveys, aren’t happy in their current jobs. It’s likely therefore, that the rich man is a very unhappy man. Even though the rich can afford the best health care, that’s not always as good as it seems. It’s not, because _they need more health care_ when they’re making all that money, due to all the stress and responsibility. They consume much alcohol that the poor cannot afford.
We saw this phenomenon several hundred years ago when refined sugar first appeared on the market. Back then, we’re talking what, the 1600s or 1700s? Sugar was a luxury item. If you could afford sugar cubes for your tea, you were looked upon very highly and admired by those who couldn’t. Many of the things that a rich person can afford indeed do not make him better off. They may in fact be to his detriment. The rich were among the first to experience elevated incidents of diabetes as refined worked its way into the mainstream. When I had more money, I joined up with Amway, which I found to be a monumental waste of money. I threw $3000 at an investment company, which also turned out to be lossy. I spent over $4000 in 1993 on a poor-quality burglar alarm system that only had its brand name, AT&T, going for it. I really didn’t need the system either because I lived in a very good neighborhood. It was not only expensive but it was a real pain besides, because it kept going off. Then, when it broke in 1996, the company refused to fix it though it was still under warranty, and that certainly revealed the seedy side of life and the shady populous among us. So, good money does not always accomplish great things.
Perhaps if I couldn’t have afforded sugar all those year ago, I wouldn’t be dealing with the problems with my teeth I am today. So having a lot of money is not always a good thing, particularly when spent unwisely.
Now I am glad I experienced some things myself with my money. I visited Florida a couple times, met some different people, and chased lots and lots of women; all of this courtesy of my money. It allowed me to live in a nice high rise apartment in Philadelphia in 1997 and 1998. So the “big bucks” years were good. The money did me some good, even if it didn’t bring my dream girl. So I like my past the way it is. If I had to do all over again, I’d do everything the same. Money is nice but does not guarantee salvation and happiness, I found.
Getting back to gold digging Vs. body digging: In my life, since money really hasn’t been an issue for me, I was never after being extremely rich, although I did want to be paid on a par with my coworkers. Even in Amway, many of their enticements to join played to a person’s desires to be rich. Since I had only limited passions that way, I was not sold on them. “Well, you know, you never have to go to work again. You make your own hours, and eventually, you won’t have to do anything at all, and the money will pour in.” But Amway had its costs. You had to drive a lot to far away places. Much money was need just to get to their conventions. So, here again, I’m glad I had those experiences, which I could not have enjoyed without my corporate paycheck.
Those promises of wealth never enticed me much. I guess I just don’t hunger for a big bank account. I like having enough money to buy computers, toys, and things I’ll use a lot before throwing them out. That’s why computer programming is so great – because I can buy things with the proceeds and enjoy it. Yet I have no passion for exotic jewelry or gold statues or gold-laced wallpaper, …, whatever. I just don’t have those sorts of material passions, and never have.
Now I like living in a quiet and safe place with enough room to move and breathe. Certainly, living here in Altoona is not ideal. But I like my little haven up here. My little nest. It seems I have modest tastes. Over all, I’ve just not had a lot of interest in most of the trappings money affords, perhaps because I’ve never been seriously deprived I guess.
Yet there are women with a different perspective on men like me. They love money, and lust after spending a lot of it on clothes, jewelry, manicures, and pedicures. Some of them have a different list of priorities than me. For me, my priority is to find the best romantic love I can. But I do NOT wish to raise a bunch of kids or maintain an over-priced house in the suburbs, although I love maintaining Mom’s modest but cozy home. And it’s not even in the suburbs. It’s in the country.
Now I recognize that women of child-bearing years prioritize having children the highest – higher even than romance itself in some cases, particularly when they hear that biological clock ticking. Some of them say, “I want have a child more than anything, and I don’t care if I ever have that physical attraction and romance. All I want is to have a child and a man who can provide adequately for our family.” In fact, counselor RC at camp last summer said this. She said, “If I have to wait too long for my man to come to me, I will settle, because I want to have a child.” This is supremely important to many women. There are clearly other valid ways to prioritize a life than I’ve done with mine.
Women want to make sure their children are reared well – that they’ll have a safe and convenient place to live that is near good schools. They want good health care, good clothes, good neighbors, and so on. For all of this, they need money. A person with these ideals I would not call a gold digger. Women like this must have good providers to help make these dreams of family come true, and I see nothing wrong with them looking for men who want to provide.
On the other hand, I want to _see_ the validity of what gold diggers do, and appreciate why they do it to keep from getting angry at them when they exclude me for lack of funds. It’s not my dream to be a provider. I’d rather enjoy an independent woman. Ideally, we’d meet on the weekends and once or twice during the week. And that’s it. I’m not interested in playing house 24 X 7.
So before now, when women said they want lots of money, I’d think, “Oh man, they’re excluding me,” which in turn would make me sad and then mad. But really, this feeling means that I’ve got some workable issues to deal with myself. I just can’t see myself working my fingers to the bone to keep a woman or raising a family, though I’ll admit that a secure household and healthy family are good reasons a woman might dig for gold while supporting a lazy life of luxury is not. Yet I’m passionate about having children, so working hard to raise them wouldn’t be a good-fitting endeavor to me. It’s because of my disinterest in family that I’m excluded. After all, I’m not motivated to provide that money. So it’s both sides of the coin here. Not only is she excluding me, but also, I just don’t have the passion to provide her what she wants. That’s okay. I just have to find someone who’s not so money-focused.
I hope after going through this that I’m a little more tolerant of the money seekers, and appreciate the nobility of their priorities even if they don’t match mine. Generally, people don’t share identical priorities, nor should they. Thus, I’ll not get mad at the gold diggers anymore.
I suppose, considering the ballerina, I’m not sure she was a gold digger. But she did seem to purposely hide her intentions. She wasn’t being forthright about what she really wanted. I mean, I don’t mind a gold digger who says, “Well yes, I’m looking for a man with lots of money, and if you don’t have it, I have to move on.” I can understand that. But when a lady hides this fact, shrouding it in superfluous interests (like when she acts like she wants to talk a lot and spend lots of time together) though her ultimate goal is actually to exploit my resources, then I have a problem because it’s deceptive and despicable.
So it’s not so much the gold digging per se that puts me out, but rather the deception that so often accompanies it. Gold digging isn’t so bad so long as it’s done truthfully and without manipulation. I in fact, respect an honest gold digger. She gets on TP Philadelphia and says about as concisely as possible that she wants someone who can help her with her material needs. She’s barely able to keep food on her table and she’s looking for a way out of that. I understand her reasons. Hey, if she finds such a fellow, then more power to her.
I want a woman whose legs and body are beautiful, and who makes my heart flutter. She must respect my desires without holding them against me, and appreciate my passions rather than shunning me for having them. The last thing I want to hear is that she thinks me shallow due to my lusts.
When somebody manipulates to get resources, then I dislike them. Generally speaking, if somebody comes after me for reasons other than just the simple fact that they feel good around me, I’m not interested. When they have hidden agendas in getting into a relationship, this I can’t stand. It doesn’t matter whether they’re gold digging, child digging, trolling for a place to live, whatever. If they hide their intensions, this is bad. I would be just as mad at somebody wanting a man to give her a child but who keeps that from him for purposes of manipulation, as I would a gold digger who does the same. I’d be just as put off with any woman who keeps her desires secret or misleads her man about them.
Now considering the ballerina, she did communicate the desire to go back to Europe, saying how important this dream was to her. And she also said that she wanted me to go there with her, and that she couldn’t afford the trip herself. When you put two and two together, she seemed to be looking for me to pay for her way back home. However, this I was not going to do anytime soon, not with only knowing her for such a short time (a mere month). In fact, I’m not in any position right now to spend any more of my money. I want to keep it to buy Mom’s house eventually. Someone with hidden agendas could ruin this for me. So I avoid those who stand mostly in the shadows. Perhaps it’s not the gold digging itself that aggravates me; but rather it’s the deception.
March 21st, 2009 at 1:43 pm
People, whether man or woman should definitely be up front with one another, when it comes to desires. It’s one thing to say that you want a man with lots and lots of money but to not tell him the reason behind this is deceptive. I don’t like gold diggers at all for what ever reason. I however, do understand that there are people out there who are struggling financially and could use some income from a man. It’s hard to really form an opinion because I can’t really relate to it myself. I myself have sought the assistance from friends in order to help get things for my apartment. You should always be up front with someone as well as being honest about your feelings and intentions.
July 22nd, 2010 at 10:04 am
I agree fully with you, Emmy.