The Being-Average Lot
Sunday, February 27th, 2005[Mentat],
I’ve been reading more evolutionary psychology stuff. And the more I read, the more convinced I am that success in life results at least as much from variables beyond our control, as it does from variables we can change. It starts just after birth. Mothers are more nurturing, attentive, and supportive of attractive babies than the more plain child. Uglier babies are far more subject to physical abuse and neglect than the more endearing ones. The theory is that attributes of cuteness, like a baby’s chubby cheeks, soft skin, big eyes, big heads, small limbs, and such, are evolutionary products that help ensure a baby’s survival, by encouraging parents to feel love and compassion for them. The baby’s good looks help turn off aggression in the parents and others, making them more tolerant of the baby’s cries and middle-of-the-night diaper-soiling. Mothers complain less about doing the baby chores for attractive babies than for babies who don’t look all that nice. Frankly, I was amazed that these mechanisms occur so early in life, and so prominently in it.
All through life, the good-looking person finds greater respect from just about everyone, his family included. I’m reminded of a conversation you and I had six months ago about good-looking female pop stars. I had observed that just about every female singer who ever made the top 40, was very good looking at the time she did it. It appears then, that so much of the “hardship” we encounter in life may be inversely proportional to how good-looking the world thinks we are. The prettier we are, the easier our life is, and the easier it will be to achieve our goals. Sad, but true.
At any rate, I find the above information comforting, because I now understand things about [my former work place] that were, heretofore, mysteries to me. I suspected that I had to work harder than my peers to achieve the same rewards, and was often resentful of that. I now know that I was not crazy, and that discrimination there was real, and that I had to face it daily. I simply got tired of facing it, and fortunately, I don’t have to any more. Wasn’t my fault that people regarded me with a grain of salt often, ‘cause they thought I couldn’t see what I was doing.
Now I don’t mean to say that I’m the only one who experiences such attitudes. I’m just one of the many. However, because of social security, and my vision-impairment, I was able to get away from it while I still have considerable life left. How will I spend that life? I tell you one thing. I won’t spend it trying to impress or prove myself to people anymore. For me, such impressing is a black-hole effort, and thus a monumental waste of energy. So what will I do? I don’t know. But I won’t do that. It’s impossible to overcome what I call “the curse of plainness.” I know I’m a plain-looking guy. Women have said it. Even my own family says it. Therefore, I’m going to spend the rest of my days, not fighting nature, but living within its dictates, and live in consonance with the universe.
Well, I hope that doesn’t sound too dismal. I ate lots of pizza yesterday, and am probably feeling a bit depressed because of all those refined carbs in my body right now. I’m actually overjoyed that so much at these newly discovered notions for me. People like or dislike due to so many factors, and only can we do something about a fairly small number of those. At least now, I understand fully that the ladies turn their backs on me, not because I’m doing something wrong, but because that’s the lot in life I’ve drawn. My challenge is to find ladies who think I’m beautiful. They are out there, just not that plentiful. But I have found them on occasion. And I’ll find more of them.
More later,
Tom Hesley
