Why I’ve Yet To Find Her
[Ester],
You are so right about men and women having differing strategies for finding their mates. I actually met Dr. Gray at a singles club in Ohio some twelve years ago. He was quite the energetic speaker.
If your interested in Dr. Ellis, see the following sites:
The Albert Ellis Institute: http://www.rebt.org/
More on Ellis: http://www.ship.edu/~cgboeree/ellis.html
Well, on what I’ve written, I can’t share that just yet. It’s top secret until it’s published. But I can give you a glimpse of some of my philosophies. I have found, in my personal quest to beat a stubborn case of shyness as a teenager, that contrary to popular belief, the fear that fueled my shyness is not irrational. In fact, it made lots of sense to have it. Society today seems to teach that fear is a bad thing, that it should be cast aside, that a person’s conscience should be heard but not given too much credence in the quest for a woman. Many men ignore their fears when approaching women. This is a bad thing for the women as well as for the men. They don’t listen to their consciences that tell them that the way they’re about to approach her is inappropriate. E.g. My impression is that most men know that it’s not right to walk up to a lady and tell her they want her body without knowing anything about how she thinks. And most men that I know feel a tinge of fear at the very thought of doing something like this. Yet they consume large amounts of alcohol to silence their conscience and numb that fear. Once they’re drunk enough they start approaching the women and come off as obnoxious, overbearing, dense jerks who don’t take no for an answer. I’ve often heard such men bragging about how many times they’ve been slapped by a lady, as though this number is some sort of badge of honor. Well, IMHO, there is no justification for this dubious honor. In my work, I hope to shed a positive light on fear, and teach them that fear is a higher form of themselves, the voice of conscience. It knows what’s right and wrong when it comes to social interaction, and people would do well to head it instead of trying to drown it in their favorite drinks and drugs (prescribed antidepressants included). There. Did that whet your appetite?
To your question about why I think I have not yet found my dream girl: Well, that has a complex answer. When I was in my early 20s, I thought it was because I was shy. But I got past that, and In my thirties up to this day, I feel that I haven’t found her because I haven’t been insistent enough on ladies having the qualities I’m seeking. It’s happened that I’ve dated ladies that I did not feel initially attracted to, thinking that the attraction would come. I couldn’t say no too quickly, lest they call me “shallow” or cry about how I broke their hearts and what a cruel person I was. I wanted to be the noble, magnanimous man and give ladies who seemed reasonably close to what I was looking for, a fair chance. But this is a sediment of pity (perhaps) that is unhealthy. In my opinion, there’s no room for compassion in the mate selection process. Compassion taints the process by motivating us to choose mates who are inappropriate for us. I’ve been down that road enough to realize that I will never do that again. Thus, I’m a believer in love at first sight (LAFS). If it isn’t there from the start, it’s never gonna come. Period. Okay, there’s a couple little tastes of the nature of my writing. I don’t want to ramble too much. 
I don’t get to DC often. However, I will come, if you turn out to be my dream girl.
By the way, do you have any pics you can send along of yourself? I like to know straight away what the people look like with whom I correspond. Why? That’s a whole other book.
Anyway, write back when you have a moment. Give me some of your thoughts on these issues.
