Tom's Love Quest

[I sent this message out to three women who caught my eye on the dating sites today:]

Hi.

Wondered if you’d care to get acquainted. Liked your profile.

Tom Hesley

[This woman declined my invitation to get acquainted, saying that the distance and the age difference between us is why she's not interested in further communication. So I responded as follows:]

Well, I wanted to try anyway.

Take care,
Tom Hesley

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[This lady wrote to me, expressing interest in talking. But she was from outside the US. So I declined her invite as follows:]

Sorry, but I’m looking for someone in the US. Thanks anyway.

Tom Hesley

Hi Melissa.

Do you have any other pics? The pic in your profile is good. And I believe I may be attracted to you. But I’d like to see more to be sure. By the way, what did you think of the pictures in my profile?

Also, I’m curious about how you stay so trim. I have to really struggle at it, while you seem to have mastered it. Do you ever eat chocolate, donuts, soda, or sugared cereals? How about pizza?

I love lots of fruits and veggies. Nuts taste wonderful too but I’m trying to cut down on them also. I’m a real addict when it comes to added sugar, although I avoid it these days much more successfully than in years gone by.

Anyway, write when you can, and take care until then.

Tom Hesley

[This one rejected me due to the age difference between us, and that she feels no physical attraction. She seemed to be pained when she said this. So her desire to avoid hurting my feelings felt genuine. So I wrote back as follows:]

Thanks for the honesty. I’ve had to do my share of rejecting as well.

Good luck in your search. Hopefully, you’ll find that chemistry very soon.

Tom Hesley

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Hi.

I guess I don’t see why dating someone [so much] younger is so creepy to you. In reference to my last letter, it sounds lie you never really have tried dating someone older. Young woman’s prejudice. But so be it.

But to answer your “curiosity”, I don’t pursue women because they’re younger. I just ask those out who attract me. Whether that means that they’re 20 years younger, my own age, or (in one case) 18 years older makes no difference to me. Perhaps as you pass through your twenties, age will matter less to you too. In your case, when I read your profile, I was attracted to you, and so decided to write. No more complicated than that. I don’t care about race or education level either because in the end, it’s all about “the feeling.” If the feeling is there, then the differences will most always fall into place, and not be issues. You inspired that feeling when I read your profile. Oh well. Too bad you didn’t experience it when you read mind.

Oh, and about the “settling down” part: Well, yes, I’d love to get with the woman of my dreams. But I’m not in any hurry to be married or engaged. In fact, it matters not to me if I ever marry. I wouldn’t say no to it. But it’s not a passion. I just like the companionship and closeness that people in good relationships enjoy. Don’t need papers and ceremony for that.

Forgot to say one more thing: Why don’t you call me at your convenience and we can chat for a half-hour or so. I’m not creepy. Let me show you that I’m an ordinary guy with normal feelings, and honorable intensions.
814-742-xxxx

I work at home so am here all day and into the evening.

Well, take care.

Tom Hesley

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• Combating The Shame Of Rejection

Hi.

Yes, I’ve gotten mixed reviews on the sunglasses. I’ll consider switching to a different primary photo. Did you look at my other pics and were any of them more to your liking?

On the distance: Maryland’s not too far from here. But you’re the boss. If you think it is, then it is.

Anyway, thanks for writing back. If you have a change of heart down the road, let me know.

Take care,
Tom Hesley

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[This lady said that the reason she didn't give me a reason for her disinterest in getting acquainted was this: She didn't want to have to tell me that she does not find me the least bit attractive. So, I responded as follows:]

Well, sorry to hear that. Had to try though.

Take care,
Tom Hesley

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[This woman said that she rejected me because I'm old enough to be her father. So I wrote back as follows:]

Hi again.

Well, perhaps one day you’ll discover as I have, that age is just a number, and that once two people are adults, it doesn’t matter [as much].

Let me ask you: Have you ever actually dated someone 22 years older? If not, then I urge you not to knock it ‘til you try it. You know? I’d keep up with you.

Besides, us older guys have had plenty of time here on Earth to come to know what our true desires are, and we’ve learned how to treat women well. We’re settled in our lives and have usually “sewn our wild oats.” I’m a great guy, and if you would not so quickly discriminate based on age, I know you would see that. Surely there must be some part of you that’s curious about me. I’m certainly curious about you. In fact, you’re on my “favorites” list.

Please. Don’t turn me away without learning where I’ve been and where I’m going. You’re not far from Altoona, and I would relocate to Pgh. for the right girl. In fact, I used to live in Pgh. in the 70s and 80s.

Well, if you really don’t want to communicate further, then I will respect your wishes. But just give me a week’s try. You might be pleasantly surprised.

Take care,
Tom Hesley

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[This woman chewed me out for not reading her profile closely enough. She concluded that because I responded to her ad, even though I'm shorter than what she wants. So, I wrote back as follows:]

Actually, I did read your profile closely. I just figured that, like many people, your height requirement wasn’t a hard and fast one. Most people are willing to give up a few inches in height to get a good man into their hearts. Forgive me, but I thought you might be one of them. Well, perhaps not.

Anyway, if you have a change of heart, let me know.

Thanks,
Tom Hesley

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• Combating The Shame Of Rejection