[Mentat],
I agree about the distance problem. If these women are using an online dating service, it seems that they are at least willing to “consider” a long distance relationship; just not one with me. True, most of them say in their profiles that they only want to meet guys within 50 or 100 miles of where they live. But for most places (which are classic small towns), this really cuts down on their selection. For example, I just ran a search for white or Hispanic women between the ages of 25 and 44, who do not smoke or use drugs, who socially drink or not at all, who are slender, who stand between 5’ 6’’ and 8’ 11’’, and who are within 60 miles of my zip code (1660x). I indicated that I’d accept any race, education level, current relationship status (married, separated, widowed, or divorced), zodiac signs, interests, eye and hair color, body art, hair style, exercise habits, daily diet, occupation, income, and living situation. Pretty open, wouldn’t you say? Yet I get just 8 hits! Now with over 8 million members 50 thousand new ones joining each week, you’d think I’d get more potential matches on match.com. But most of those members are concentrated in the major urban centers like Chicago, New York, Philly, and LA. The point is that most of these women who reject me for being too far away are in the same boat as I. They don’t have a very big selection of guys either, unless they lengthen the acceptable distance. So I’d suspect that if they found someone who really attracted them in other ways, the long distance would become but a minor inconvenience, and not a show-stopper. So my sense is that the distance is but a convenient excuse that they give me to save my feelings, but it’s not the real turn-off.
If only I could get excited about heavier women. The hit count increases to 135 (from 8 hits) if I remove the slender body type requirement.
I’ve been studying what women say they like in men, and though few ladies will admit it when pressed directly, they are nonetheless, strongly moved by [the] male physique. You’ve heard the old cliché that so many ladies use to describe their ideal guy – that of the tall, dark, muscle-bound, big, and handsome man. Well, I have little of that, ‘cause I’m not that tall (only 5’ 8’’). And my skin is very fair (not dark). Also, my hair is light-colored. Ladies seem to consider light hair a turn-off. Did you know that Elvis’ hair was naturally a sandy blond shade, but that he dyed it jet black when performing, and then made a point of constantly running his fingers through it between songs to call attention to those dark locks? He and his promoters obviously felt that the dark hair helped heighten his popularity. In the movies and on TV, few male superstars have light complexions. It’s the Eric Estrata or Don Johnson types that make the ladies swoon. Well, I don’t look like those guys, and this, above all else, is the likely reason I believe the women reject me so much.
By the way, as an aside, I sent invitations to get acquainted to the 8 women in the search I was telling you about above. One rejection just came back.
As far as the age goes, again, that’s just another excuse they use. I’ve pressed those who reject me on this basis on occasion, and they appear to struggle when explaining why they value [...] a small age difference [so much]. Especially in my case, ‘cause I don’t have any deep wrinkles, and the lines I do have, I’ve sported since my 20s. I’m in better shape now than I was [during my first decade of adulthood], smarter, more mature, and can keep up with most of those “younger” women in any physical contest in which they’d care to participate. But that’s not enough. Heck, even women in their 50s and 60s [use] this age-difference defense [to justify] their lack of interest in me. Clearly, here, I have youth compared to them, a trait that people find attractive according to psychologists [and studies]. Yet these grannies still reject me without even bothering to talk to me to ascertain my maturity level. People are just too quick to judge, aren’t they.
On your query about the age demographic: I’d say that most ladies on match are between say 25 and 50 years old, and there are probably more divorced women than single ones there, as is so on American Singles.
On to my own (broad) age requirements, yes, some women might look at my 18 to 60 range and conclude that I don’t know what I want or that I’ll mate with just anyone. And that can have the same sort of negativity that [our long-time friend Olga] used to experience due to her seemingly all-inclusive mating standards. [They called her a slut. Remember?]
But if I say that I want the [much smaller age range] of 35 – 44, then I get complaints from people who fall outside that range, similar to those I made above about women who [hold my] age [...] against me. Also, I’d be misrepresenting myself by using a more restrictive range, because I deeply believe that the numeric value of age, in and of itself, does not enhance or lessen a woman’s overall appeal. [Elstan] is now 62 years old, yet I find her extraordinarily attractive. [Our third floor house mother, a senior citizen] was another one I fantasized about. At a party sponsored by my sister [...] last December, sat a refined woman in her early 70s. She had a few wrinkles and the silver hair. Yet I couldn’t stay away from her. She had obviously taken care of herself with a good diet, the right amount of sleep, and avoiding the sun, and so, was therefore healthy. She had an engaging personality and I found myself blushing at my physical arousal . I hope she didn’t realize how turned on I was, because unfortunately, she was married.
On the other hand, I’ve noted 18-year olds who produce revulsion despite their youth. They look like slobs, with rolls of fat hanging over the sides of their chairs, much as a half-deflated beach-ball would look if you sat it on the edge of a table. They snort and hawk like cows, either because they drink too much milk or because they smoke. They talk too loud so that people will notice them, ‘cause no one would give them a second look otherwise.
No, in my experience, it isn’t the number of years that someone has lived that makes them attractive or ugly, but rather, it’s how they’ve lived those years. You see the difference? If they’ve lived well, they’d [usually] age well, and contrary to wide-spread understanding, will retain their youthful attractiveness into their 70s and beyond. But if they squander their health on vices and bad food, then even sixteen year-olds can kill the libido just as effectively as the “old hags.”
Well, to sum it up, women say they want someone who “knows what he wants and is willing to go after it,” yet they do not like to be rejected themselves when such a man knows that he does not want them.
Thanks for looking at my profile, and giving me the opportunity to work these issues over a little. It has helped clarify and justify my position in my own mind.
More later.