Proud Yet Humble Lovers
Dear [Mentat],
I agree on the destructive and benign types of pride. Clearly, the see-what-I’ve-done-so-I’m-better-than-you kind of pride is bad because it’s antisocial. It creates resentment in others, and can compel them to try and knock the excessively proud down a few pegs. Flaunting a sexy mate may in fact, entice other men to attempt to steal her away. People with this conceited sort of pride take too much credit for their gifts. Pride becomes disgusting when it eclipses humility, and this is why gods in most religions hate it, because the excessively prideful person is paying too little homage to them and their glory. But all gods aside, foolish still is the man who looks down on others from mountain tops that he did not create himself. We don’t need the wrath of gods to drive that point home.
On the other hand, a wise man is a humble man. He recognizes the goodness in his life for which he bears no responsibility. He understands that no matter how much he accomplishes, no matter how hard he works, he’d still be nothing without his birthright. Rich Parker never seemed to get this, even to this day now that his very survival rests so directly in the hands of doctors. He would not have achieved success as a lawyer without the many loving folks in his corner, helping him for decades on end. Yet he shames others when they don’t perform as “well” as he, and refuses to acknowledge that perhaps they weren’t blessed by good fortune as he. Excessive pride so well characterizes Parker’s personality. Hubris as you refer to it, is not found in the hearts of the truly sensible; only thankfulness and gratefulness dwell there.
The healthier, more celebrated, benign pride shows in the man whom, as you note, displays his gifts not to exalt himself, but instead, to exalt others. Perhaps he befriends the empathetic, non-jealous type, and knows that these friends will feel joy when they see that he has found happiness. Once I knew a woman who, like you and me, spent multiple decades without a love partner. She cried often to me about it, and I spent many an hour comforting her. Well, when she finally found someone, she called to tell it, knowing that I’d be thrilled. And she was right. I was, for it was gratifying to see that even the chronically lovelorn can find a true love. Her success motivated me to keep trying. In this way, I benefited from her victory, and she told me so eagerly because she knew that I would. Back to our righteously humble guy, in sharing his happiness with his friends, he (as did [this woman] with me) wants those nearby to be happy for him, and to know that this girl is his, just so that his friends don’t think she’s free, should they encounter her separately.
But it’s also likely that the meek one has no purpose in allowing others to see him with his knock-out girlfriend. This fellow does not “show off” at all. In fact, any “showing” happens as a mere byproduct of the couple’s normal routine. It is not the objective of that routine. Maybe they like walking in public parks or dining at popular nightclubs. They might just enjoy frolicking among people, not to flaunt, but to share the experience together. How others react to them may have nothing to do with the joy the couple derives from being among them. In this case, neither destructive nor benign pride comes into play.
Now to answer your question: I experienced neither benign nor sinful pride from [Lenee] loving me. With her, there was no sense of having accomplished anything great by having secured her love – no euphoria of quenching the lust of love, and no real respite from loneliness. She was not revered by my friends, and the family hoped I’d never bring her to Altoona again. So there was simply no basis for any sort of pride. Shame perhaps. Compromise definitely. But not pride. I suppose this shows that even the most humble among us can use good pride to tell whether a woman measures up. The greater the pride, the more ideal she is. But no pride warns us to get away post haste, for she’s not anywhere near what we want.
More later,
Tom Hesley
October 23rd, 2011 at 11:39 am
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