Melinda Returns
[Melinda sent me a letter out of the blue after nearly a decade of non communication. My response was as follows:]
Dear [Melinda],
Hi again. It’s been over eight years. So I’m honored that you still think of me. I’ve thought of you too, and often. Since then, I’ve run my share of Google searches on you as well. I even sent email to a few other [Melindas], hoping one of them would be you. They were not. But here you are now and your letter warms me.
I’ve missed you too, and it’s funny. I don’t know why we have this unbreakable link to each other, which seems to survive long periods without encouragement After all, we argued and fought at least as much as we got along. 
But when I think of you these days, I remember only the good times and how helpful, supportive, and compassionate you could be, particularly with regard to the [MK] affair. You always have, and always will, occupy a uniquely special spot in my heart, that neither time nor frustration can remove.
Whatever our differences in 1998, that compelled me to end communications, I know today that the major bulk of them stemmed from my own inexperience with love relationships and not from you per se. Specifically, I wrongly blamed you for not wanting me the way I wanted you; as though you were doing it on purpose. But today [...], through several romances during our quiet years, and much research besides, I’ve come to understand that people don’t decide who they love. Oh they may choose from among people they already love, the ones with whom they’ll actually pursue a relationship. But we don’t control who attracts us initially. And given that, I realize that any anger directed your way back then was misplaced, and I was wholly incorrect for harboring such feelings. I simply did not understand, and I’m very sorry that you got caught in the wake of my ignorance. If I’d known then what I know today, I still would have been sad that you couldn’t love me, but would not have held it against you, and thus, would not have been angered by your indifference. I would have done more to help you find a man you could love. I just wish I’d handled the whole situation better.
But what’s done is done, and I can’t take it back. For whatever it’s worth however, I think I’m a better, more mature person as a result of our dealings. My only regret is that my growth meant pain for you. Again, I’m truly sorry for that. I hope you can forgive me. I harbor no ill-will toward you and consider all our past dealings resolved. I’m sure we’ve both grown a great deal. Yes, I’d love to catch up with you as well, and learn what sort of woman you’ve grown into.
Well, much has happened to and for me since 1998. I continued working at [the electronic publishing place] as a home-based employee in Philadelphia until 2001, when I moved here to Altoona to help my Mom with her house. Things were getting run down here after Dad’s death in 1997, and by 2001, I was beginning to suspect that I’d be resigning my lead software engineering position in the near future for reasons that I’ll share with you another time. So, while I still had lots of money, I came here and in 2002, contracted to have the roof replaced. I myself performed numerous electrical and plumbing upgrades, and we replaced the windows and doors. The plan is that I’m going to take ownership of the property once Mom passes, assuming that I survive her. Since everything is pretty new now, maintaining the house shouldn’t be too expensive, particularly since I can do most of the work myself.
Once all the expensive maintenance and upgrades were finished, I quit the [...] job in March of 2003, in order to pursue my life’s dream – finding my dream girl. I didn’t have much luck during the 90s with this, even when I had that gorgeous home in Miamisburg. I’d heard often from the relationship pundits of the time that a man should establish himself in a good career before seriously looking for a mate, particularly since many women want to date men with at least promising if not currently good financial prospects, and ignore those who aren’t rich or have no prospects of becoming at least well-to-do. Well, I took them seriously, working myself ragged to create that career and buy that house. I made enough money to keep myself and a mate happy. Yet these accomplishments seemed to matter not to the ladies to whom I was attracted. I had very few romantic encounters in that big house, and a few women openly laughed at me when I asked them for dates. Though I had built the career along with the good financial means and prospects, they still would not come.
So it occurred to me that I might try things another way – give up the career and devote full-time to the study of relationships and the search for Her. Then, once I found Her, I’d establish a new career. To date however, I have yet to encounter Her. But the search and the learning continue, and I’m convinced that there are things out there that I’ve yet to learn, and that it is this ignorance that’s keeping Her from me. I promised myself in 2001 when things at [work] began going badly, that I would find the answers, or I would die trying. Though this quest has made me rather poor, I must keep going with it until either I find Her, or my desire to find Her disappears.
I’m currently seeing a young woman [named [Emmy]] for whom I feel great compassion and friendship. I want to see her make it in life and I’ve helped her when possible. However, I’m not in love with her. She knows this and is saddened by it. [Yet], she understands that I’m still looking and says that she’s happy to have me for the time we’ve had (going on four years now), but would give me up if it meant my being truly happy. She’s really a sweetie.
I gather from the fact that you’re not dating currently, that you’ve also had a rough time finding a soul mate. That’s hard to imagine, since you’re so beautiful.
Shallow people. Yes. Once they learn that I can’t drive, they drop me, sometimes without even saying goodbye. I know what you mean. I just hope you’ve not become bitter, though I’d understand perfectly if you had. It’s a rough world out there in the dating arena and I’ve considered walking away from it many times. But my heart won’t let me. :-) So I keep plugging away, getting rejection after rejection. I’ve got a few thousand of them now. But I keep at it. Sometimes, my sisters think I should give it up. I chuckle silently at this, since all of them are happily married. They just never seemed to appreciate the mandate I’m under here. At least these days, my lady friend helps take the edge of the pain of loneliness, even if she can’t completely eliminate it. That’s nice.
Now, changing subjects a bit: When you mentioned your poodle, I remembered that little black cat you had in Ohio. Do you still have that cat?
Sorry that you’re having difficulty living where you are. One thing about Ohio was that it was dry, ‘eh?
Well, there’s so much more to say, about the DJing, the book I’m writing, and other tidbits. But I’ve got to go run some errands this afternoon and get my hair cut. Again, it was wonderful hearing from you again, and do keep in touch. I’ll tell you more later.
