Melinda Says I Hurt Her
[Melinda],
Thanks for the pictures.
I’m sorry I hurt you [when I ended communication with you in 1998]. I didn’t realize that you cared as deeply as you did. And, at the time, it seemed that maintaining a friendship would be masochistic, since I figured that I’d always want more than you could give. You had the emotional upper-hand, or so I thought then, and I just didn’t know how to deal with that power imbalance, other than to break off all contact. I should caution you that if we were to resurrect our friendship, this may still trouble me. I’d likely still find you tempting, and I might want to hold your hand from time to time if we ever got together, or give you foot rubs, or feel you hug me. I wouldn’t need any all-the-way sex, but might feel slighted if you withheld all your other affections from me. However today, I believe I possess the emotional maturity to cope with this better than I could have eight years ago, now that I understand that your romantic disinterest in me is not really your fault. Likewise though, I hope that you would not hold my interest in you against me. I hope you would not cheapen it and assume that it’s only sexual. It was then, much more encompassing than just that.
It’s good that you contacted me again.
By the way, have you ever heard again from [the guy from Pittsburgh]? I’ve wondered about him too.
Well, on the high heels: You looked great to me without them. You always did, and I never felt as though you were missing something for not wearing them. In fact, IMHO, you looked best in jeans and tennis shoes. No need to ruin your body to look beautiful. If you ever come across your dream guy, he’ll like you whether you’re wearing high heels, flats, or sneakers even. Have you ever read Naomi Wolf’s book “The Beauty Myth”? While she appears somewhat radical in her views about how and why women have come to believe that they must torture themselves with high heels, girdles, tight clothes, and the like, I do agree with her underlying message that a woman’s beauty is not defined by such devices, nor even augmented much by them. When a woman really excites me, she does so no matter what she wears so long as she’s clean. Unfortunately, the clothing and cosmetics industries do their marketing so well that they have women believing that they’re not good enough to be seen in public unless they wear the mascara, the stockings, the heels, and such. Rubbish!
On the herringbone necklace: Gosh I forgot all about that. I still wish you would have taken it though, as long as we could have gone to dinner, and I could have seen you wear it from time to time. I love the way they reflect the light – like yellow-orange mirrors. But you probably did the right thing by declining it. That would have created additional awkward difficulties between us. Unfortunately, at present, I cannot afford such a wonderful piece. However, if ever I become a successful writer, I’ll buy you one even more magnificent than that one twelve years ago. And I’ll not take no for an answer this time. I should have insisted that you take it then. But we had too much strong will in our friendship from the both of us, and I didn’t want to force the issue.
On your job: You must be doing well, particularly since you seem to derive much pleasure from it. I’m happy for you. When I left [work], I was earning about $90K / year, but the stress was killing me, and after a couple jolting chest pains and an enlarged thyroid, and after numerous other happenings which we can discuss in detail sometime, I had to get out. Giving up that income was beforehand quite scary, and afterwards quite difficult. I’m still adjusting to it, nearly four years later. But I’m glad I did it. No chest pains since. Yes, having control is important to the sense that the job is good.
Well, I’m off to bed. I’m going to attempt to write a few pages tomorrow morning (that’s when I’m the most creative), so I want to be fresh.
Oh yes, on calling you: I won’t be able to try until the weekend. My sister is taking me shopping tomorrow night. So when would be a good time to call (on Friday night, Saturday, or Sunday)? Let me know, and I’ll call you then.
Later,
Tom Hesley
