Dear Joel
Hey [Joel].
It’s great to receive a letter from you once again. Yes, I can relate to how busy your life has been and certainly _will be_ by the sounds of it. And depending on your long-term aspirations, you’re right that it may _never_ slow down. The thing is that how fast or slow it actually goes is really up to you because each one of us is the ultimate pace setter in his own life. If you really want it to slow down (and my impression is that you do not), then it will. Until then, just enjoy the ride. 
You And [Sarah]
Have you and [Sarah] decided where you’re going to cohabitate? Will you live in California?
As far as [Sarah’s] parents not supporting you goes, that’s unfortunate. I side with you and believe that people need to progress slowly and fill in [at least most of] the blanks discovered along the way. It’s hard to learn a person well over long distances, and as that is mostly all the experience with [Sarah] that you have to date, you’d be foolhardy to step headlong into marriage without trying to live with each other for a year or two first. Besides, those religious types like [her] parents need frequent shaking up, no disrespect toward them intended. Being agnostic myself, I grow impatient with the self-righteousness so common in religious circles. They have all the answers and only through following their dictates will the world be saved. But while this can’t easily be refuted, nor is it divine truth either. Not even the most studied monk knows more about what’s right for you than you do yourself. Unfortunately though, with [Sarah's] parents feeling the way they do, things are going to be particularly hard for her and you too. But hang in there. The opposition will likely fade once they know you better and understand that you’re not a fly-by-night moron who is using [Sarah].
Just imagine all the world conflict we could be rid of if the human race could abolish religion. After all, it is religious difference that historically produces the bloodiest wars. If you eliminate the religion, you remove a primary source of hatred, and with less hatred we’d have less war. Besides, doing so would simplify the process of finding compatible mates. It seems then that if we’re ever going to achieve world-wide peace, we must do away with religion, unless of course we could get everyone to follow a single faith. But that’s surely never going to happen, and unfortunately, neither will people give it up in our lifetimes. So all we can do is grit our teeth and go along with it when it’s not too hard to do so, and fight it when it is.
Human Relationships
Yep, human relationships are _messy_. You should see the movie “Parenthood” with Steve Martin and Mary Steenburgen for a hilarious illustration of just how messy relationships can get.
Your Writing Endeavors
Well, perhaps the people who don’t care what others think of their writing got that way because, like you, they simply got tired of worrying about it. When one suffers enough disapproval, it begins meaning less. I too worry about how people will receive my [...] prose, and this is a big reason why I have yet to submit a single work although I’m closer to doing that than ever [...]. I’ve read that if you want to get over pain, then beg to be hurt. The hurting will hurt like hell in the beginning. But before long, one develops psychological calluses and it hurts far less then. So keep at it. Keep getting disappointed, and you’ll make yourself strong. It might take decades to significantly fortify you fully. But it will eventually.
Chasing Goals Is Good.
Yes, even if you ultimately do not reach a goal, working toward one extends life and provides purpose, without which, life becomes truly boring and therefore less healthy.
[Emmy] and I
Things are the same with [Emmy]. She knows where I stand and accepts that, though it hurts her occasionally. Yet in spite of my disinterest in exclusive dating, she’s benefited a great deal from being with me, and she recognizes that.
- My brother in law and I moved her to Pittsburgh,
- I advise her on issues both academic and personal so that she doesn’t make the same mistakes I did when I was her age. Strangely, in some ways I’m the father that she never had as well as her therapist.
- My family donated money and supplies to her move,
- She considers my place her second home because we invite her to visit on the major holidays, and I pay for her train tickets. She loves it here. She doesn’t want to give that up, and nor do I – at least, until I find my dream girl.
The overall point is that she’s still getting a great deal [of good from me, though I cannot give her what she ultimately desires].
Now others accuse me of [...] using her and that all I’m really after is her young body. But it’s not like that. I’ve made my terms repeatedly clear and I often encourage her to date others [...]. So far though, she hasn’t. In fact, she insists that she does not want to date others. So there must be something she likes about our arrangement though she considers it imperfect.
My Indecision
Now a couple years ago, I struggled with the ethical question: Was it right to see [Emmy] even though I knew that we’d go no further than casual dating? Right or wrong, the fact is that she’d be so hurt if I left her, and I’d be quite lonely to boot. Thus in spite of the pain our association gives her at times, she’s clearly a far better person for having known me. I only hope that whatever impropriety I’ve created will be [cancelled out] by my kindness [...]. I’m a good man, and now, through our involvement, she knows what a good man is and will avoid dating drug-laden, hot-tempered, and foul-mouthed guys like Bob Lichtner. Oh my god, when I heard that she was dating him back in 2004, I cried and begged her to stop. I insisted that she deserved so much more than the pot-filled, partying life of reckless deviance he was offering her. It took some time. But I think that today, she gets it. I know I’ve done a good thing if I’ve saved her from a life like that.
Yes indeed, there’s been much indecision surrounding my regard of [Emmy's] and my relationship over the past year.
- Is it true that, when it all comes out in the wash that what’s always left is nothing more than a deep friendship?
- Can the feeling of being in love only last a short while?
- Is it impossible to find lasting enthrallment?
- Can I do without a woman who drives?
- Can I love a woman who can’t see me?
I Need the Passion.
Questions like this have baffled me, as you know from our chat last summer. But I’ve gotten past the confusion I think. How? First of all, I’ve read stories from couples claiming that that they’re still in love, even after decades of marriage. Their sex lives still fire their dreams, they still feel humbled in each other’s presence, and they ache for each other when business keeps them apart. Paul and Linda McCartney for example, spent very few nights separated in their quarter-century together, and Paul said that he loved Linda just as avidly the day she died as he did when they met in the late 60s. John Lennon and Yoko Ono had a similar relationship. I’m convinced these days that with the right person, it’s possible to fall in love, and _stay_ in love, and I can’t settle for any relationship which offers less.
My Recent Dating
I’ve come into contact with a few women during the past six months that make my heart skip. Unfortunately, I had no such effect on them, same as per usual. So I just keep hoping for that one-in-a-million to come along [; that one that I like and who also likes me]. She’s out there. I just have to find her
The Searchers Often Time Don’t’ Find
You are correct that finding a true love really does depend on the will of Cupid. :-) I can only hope that he favors me someday. But even the searchers as you call them, often end up not having found what they sought. However, I’m with you that though the chances of success do not become one-hundred percent when searching, they do rise markedly. The truth is that I’d rather search for what I want forever, than to settle for something that’s just not quite right. I promised myself back in 2001 that I’ll either resolve this issue without compromise, or I’ll die trying.
Your New Job.
Congratulations! Wow, you’ll be working for a creative writing journal? Hmmm. Perhaps you could arrange to publish some of my stuff. Maybe I’ll continue reworking that Lady In The Park story you reviewed for me. I actually have revised it, eliminating the redundancies you mentioned. But my editing skills aren’t great. Specifically, with longer works, I sometimes don’t remember what I’ve previously said and so, end up saying it again, albeit with different words. Perhaps as an editor yourself, you can offer me some techniques for locating such redundancies. I know that one good thing to do is to write an outline before I start the actual work. That works pretty well. But it’s not perfect. Another thing I’ve done is to employ Microsoft’s Indexing Service on all my works. That way, I can quickly search for key words and phrases, and it comes back with a list of all my documents that contain these. This makes it much easier to find previously discussed ideas. That Lady in the Park story however, was written before I started using this, so I’m confident that anything I write from scratch now will be better since my toolset is better.
Seeing You Again
I truly hope that I’ve not seen you for the last time. It saddens me that so many counselors come and go, that we never hear from again. But I don’t want to lose touch with you like that. I really enjoy your company because you, rather uniquely I might add, treat us as equals. You never give any hint that what we say is somehow diminished in your mind due to our vision problems. You take us seriously and respect us just as you would your fully-sighted friends. Your desire to help is genuine, and believe me, I know. I’ve learned to quickly spot the do-gooders who are really just looking to bolster their image in God’s eyes. You are so much more than that though, and I’m honored to know you. Yes. The camp is indeed a magical place, and it’s people like you who make it that way for us campers. So hopefully, you can return again someday and keep that magic alive and well. I just wish that we could have had more time to talk last summer, though I’m grateful we had what we did.
