Tom's Love Quest

[Melinda],

Sorry to hear that you’re not feeling any better.  I wish I knew how to help you get healthy.  Hopefully, getting out of that climate will improve your wellness.  I’m a great listener, so if talking about it helps, feel free to call anytime. 

Thanks for the comments.  I get that you object to making such an appeal to women, and with good reasons.  This certainly violates conventional dating wisdom.  However, I’ll address your objections in an upcoming note. You raised several thought-provoking issues, and I want to take the necessary time to give them all the thought they’re due, before responding. 

But just pretend for a moment that you agree: Asking for pity as a means of overcoming prejudice is indeed a valid approach given the circumstances.  In that case, how would you make this appeal more swaying if you were going to do it yourself?  Let’s say that you had to walk with crutches, yet still wanted to date attractive men even though you knew that your condition would turn most of them off.  How would you make this happen?  And no, deciding that you don’t need them to be happy is not the answer I’m looking for.  People far and wide answer the question this way currently, and as a result, they never realize their maximal potential for level 5 happiness (referring to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs triangle).  This is the sort of question that other handicapped folks wish to answer as well, and I hope one day to give it to them in my books.  I also feel that society must answer questions like this if it’s ever going to achieve true equality, a situation where no one is excluded from anything, including dating the people they desire. 

Tom Hesley

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