Tom's Love Quest

[Melinda],

Nice talking with you last night.

I’m struggling with this letter for one of my books, to women who reject me.  It elicits their compassion (or yes, call it pity).  It implores them to give me a fair chance though they find me initially unappealing.  After receiving their first rejection, my argument back to them would go something like this: 

Okay, I know I’m not someone who you’d normally date, and I don’t blame you.  You are, after all, reacting like most ladies, who immediately dismiss me upon learning that I don’t see well.  This is normal.  But I’m a decent, honest, and stable man, and we’d have lots of fun together if you’d just spend some hours getting to know me while keeping your mind and heart open. 

Mine has, unfairly, been a lonely life because ladies won’t look past my handicap.  It appalls them and thus has the same chilling effect as if I’d told them I’d murdered my mother (No, I have not murdered my mother!).  They just don’t want any parts of it.  No matter that I’m educated and have held leadership positions in software engineering.  No matter that I neither smoke, drink, nor use recreational drugs.  No matter that I’m an open book and consider sacred the values of truth and full disclosure.  None of these things that so many women claim to hold so dear persuades them to go out with me.  Unfortunately, that’s the way it’s always been, and I’ve approached thousands through the years. 

Yes, the thought of dating someone legally blind might scare you at first, and believe me, I do understand your apprehension and will not judge you for it.  But if you’ve never done it, why not try it at least once?  You may find it a far more enlightening, enriching, and satisfying experience than you ever imagined possible. 

Now ideally, it’s probably best that people feel immediate chemistry since it makes learning about them all the more interesting.  However many women say that they can fall in love _without_ this love-at-first-sight, though they admit that it takes longer in that case.  But at least it’s possible.  This is great news for me because wooing women with a strong initial attraction is not one of my strong points.  It seems that women lose all chemistry once I tell them that I’m vision-impaired. 

So, given all that, I ask that you allow your compassion to substitute for chemistry; at least for little while.  Will yourself to be my friend even if you feel no attraction at first.  Why?  Well, because you have it in your power to help a fellow human being realize a dream he’s sought all his life, which has thus far eluded him.  Do it because the act of giving in a truly meaningful way will help you find a peace that you’ve not known before.  Then, let’s see what happens. I’m told by those who know me well that my most valuable treasures don’t show immediately, so please, just stick around long enough to find them.  It won’t take long.  I promise. 

[Melinda], I’d appreciate your candid suggestions on augmenting the persuasiveness of this argument.  I want this to pull very hard at ladies’ heart strings, and if in order to punch through their prejudices I at first must get them to feel sorry for me, then so be it.  That’s what I’ll do, though admittedly I’m terrified at the prospect. Consider the following questions in your response:

• Would this have persuaded you to date me back in the Ohio days?  Why or why not? 
• What could I have said that would have more likely persuaded you? 
• What should I have omitted? 
• Do you believe this argument to be pathetically futile?  Why or why not? 

Later.

Tom Hesley

Related Posts

• Avoid Distracting Compassion
• Compassion, Empathy, Pity
• Compassion Questing
• Cruel Better Judgement
• Dating Blind Men
• Dating Blind Women
• Defending Pity-Gets-Love Idea
• Enthusiastically Compassionate Love
• Getting Love By Seeking Pity
• I Love You Emmy
• Love Born From Pity
• Seeking Pity
• Seeking Pity, Getting Love
• Seeking Pity to Get Love
• Using Emmy
• Weather, Pity, Liars, Weight

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 8th, 2007 at 10:51 am and is filed under Attraction, Concepts, Honesty, Letters, Loneliness, Love At First Sight, Melinda, Physical Attraction, Pity, Receiving Rejection, Rejection, Special Ladies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.