Tom's Love Quest

Before this session, I brainstormed to come up with items to discuss as follows:

While I believe that my fear of rejection is rational given my experiences, I deem it too overpowering and strong-armed.  Why?  This fear largely prevents me from approaching women even though a loss of friendship or a potential friendship would not be devastating.  I wish to be able to contact women in places convenient to me; like the corner grocery store, but stops, on the train, and so on. 

The loss of [Carlene J]; no big deal.  I took the risk and lost her as a friend.  But while this was not what I’d hoped would happen, the fact that she’s not in my life in any way today is of little significance. 

I’ve imagined fear in many forms:

• It’s been a tall, cement block wall with lots of small windows, that let me see into heaven.  These portals look onto a beach full of beautiful women, and every one of them is waving at me, becoming me to join them.  But I cannot because of this confounded wall. 
• It’s also been a roaring tiger that snarls and shows his teeth every time I try to scurry around him to reach my dream of oneness with beautiful women.
• But then, at times, fear is not my foe; but rather a consoling force like a knowing father or a helpful older brother that gently yet firmly insists that I steer clear of the gorgeous ladies I so desire.

I’m afraid that the only ladies who turn me on, are those that are way out of my league.  Perhaps I’m a two who insists on a perfect ten.  How futile is that hope?  I feel that this fear is seriously hampering my efforts at securing happiness and that I’ll never be able to get through it.  I’m stuck at level three in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs triangle, and as long as I’m there, I’ll never realize my fullest potential in the esteem and self actualization levels (levels four and five respectively). 

There is an irrational part of fear, for while I know that rejection isn’t too bad, I fear it so nonetheless.  I’m afraid of screwing up the approach, and blowing my chances with the lady; now and forever to come. I’ve seen guys relentlessly hit on ladies on the Philadelphia busses.  The women obviously wished they’d get lost.  But they didn’t, and the more they pushed, the more foolish they appeared.  It was clear that their pushing did not endear them to the ladies.  In fact, it compelled the ladies to like them even less than when they started; not more.    I fear the same thing would happen to me if I express my interest in ladies; though I would not push as hard or as long as the bus fellows did. 

Tom Hesley

Related Posts

• I Understand, Carlene J
• Tom’s Diary –> Today’s Business: 2009-02-21
• Tom’s Diary –> Today’s Business: 2010-06-23