Tom's Love Quest

Yes, low vision heaps big challenges on men so affected, especially in dating. I’ve struggled over the years to date attractive ladies, because when they learn that I don’t drive, they bolt. They avoid   dating blind men   (or in my case, a low-sighted man).  That’s true whether I tell them early on, or wait a few months. No matter how much they know me, once they dub me a blind man,   natural selection   seems to dictate that any romance that might have been vanishes forever. Most ladies avoid disabled men who can’t provide for them in traditional ways. So blind men might as well be eunuchs.

But an inability to provide doesn’t seem to affect blind females as much. I see more blind women with sighted men than the other way around. Historically, weak eyesight more impacts the male’s ability to perform traditional mating roles than the female’s. Low vision therefore, makes males less attractive than females.  Apparently, dating blind men to sighted women is more offputting than dating a blind woman is to sighted men.

In fact, blindness night raise a woman’s appeal to men by stoking their evolutionary desires to protect her. To a degree the more helpless she seems, the more he’ll want her. He sees more opportunities to provide for her too, since a blind woman is less able to provide for herself. Men it seems, are tailor-made to meet the needs of partially- and non-sighted women.  His upper hand on the power in the relationship is virtually assured by his dating blind women.

But it’s different for blind men. If a blind man seems helpless in the least, he’ll have serious trouble mating because evolution favors him less.  He suffers greater reproductive disadvantage than does a blind lady as evolutionary processes discourage women from dating blind men.  Over time, natural selection has weeded out most women who might find dating a blind man appealing.

To be sure, women will often be courteous, and perhaps even offer the blind man pity, as they attempt to score brownie points with God. But they’ll likely never date a blind man seriously.  So, they’ll never see the blind man as a Prince Charming. He will never be the “perfect” man in their eyes, even if they believe that caring for him will get God to grant them admittance into heaven.  Not even this holy enticement of the good life forever after makes most women truly love the blind man.  So, given that the cards seem stacked so highly against blind males, it appears that blind women enjoy more fulfilling relationships on the whole with sighted men than bind men do with sighted women.  Natural selection forgives more the blind woman than it does the blind man.

Also consider that though women’s liberation has expanded female roles in the 21st century workplace, it’s done little to modernize the traditional female values of being protected and provided for by men. Though ladies today support themselves in our culture (a culture that encourages them to do so), women still fantasize about being taken care of by their Prince. So until that changes, blind men will be forced to continue spending much of their lives without fulfilling lovers.  Even today, dating a blind men has a nearly-impposible-to-overcome stigman for sighted women.

Don’t get me wrong. I have a girlfriend. But I still remember all the years I had to wait for her.  I get sad sometimes when I recall all those lonely hours spent waiting, and languishing. But I’m thankful to have someone now who doesn’t mind dating blind men.  She thinks I’m wonderful, and she accepts me just as I am; an acceptance nearly impossible to come by, while searching for lovers in the world of fully-sighted women.

Tom Hesley

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Other Posts You May Find Helpful

• Tom’s Views –> Blind Hardships
• Tom’s Views –> Consider Dating A Disabled Person
• Tom’s Views –> Darwinism: Bad News For Blind Lovers
• Tom’s Views –> Help From Sighted Lovers
• Tom’s Views –> How Blind Men Find Women Attractive
• Tom’s Views –> Power Imbalance: Blind Man Dating Sighted Woman
• Tom’s Views –> There Is A Place For Pity Love

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009 at 12:28 am and is filed under Acceptance, Attraction, Concepts, Gripes, Loneliness, Pain of Rejection, Physical Attraction, Pity, Receiving Rejection, Rejection. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.