How to Keep Sex Good
Notes for Today’s Therapy Session
Activities
• I made suggested changes to my web profile.
• I then blinked at 50 to 75 ladies after the new profile was approved.
• One was interested, several said no, and the rest gave no response.
• The one who answered positively insisted too fast on having my email address. So I pulled away.
• [Emmy] and I tried being physical again. No improvement. I still can’t get interested.
• I have not ordered the “Guide to Getting it On” book yet, because I believe my issues stop me way before the bedroom. If I manage to get that far with someone I desire, I’m fine, at least until that desire goes away. It’s getting them there in the first place that’s the real challenge. Will this book help with those pre-bedroom courtship rituals?
At the session, we discussed the following:
• The web profile changes I made did not improve the response rates.
• Suggestion: Post a better, more casual picture of myself, and get rid of the one from 1999 that has boxes in the background.
• Suggestion: Avoid direct admission of sexual interest in the web profile.
• Thought: Perhaps I see [Emmy] more as the daughter I never had than the lover I always wanted. This may contribute to our sexual problems.
• Question: Am I prepared to leave [Emmy] should I realize that we’ll never enjoy the sort of sustained erotic sex I want? Probably not. But I would, if I thought that being alone again would solve this problem.
• The thing is that I don’t believe that, given that I’ve experienced this same rapid decline of sexual desire with several other women; some older, some younger, and some my age. In any relationship I enter, I lose that interest, just weeks later, and it never comes back.
• I’m afraid to give up [Emmy] because then I’d have to once more troll the Internet and other places, seeking babes to date. I’d have to again face relentless rejections, and I don’t know if I want to weather that any more.
• Thought: My fantasy world and the real world of women diverged long ago. That is: Not since my teens have real-life sexual encounters produced as much excitement and pleasure as they do in my daydreams. They did once; but not lately.
• Question: Sex in the real world has consistently left me wanting. It’s never been as pleasing as the fantasy. So why do I seek real sex so?
• I was wrong to predict good real-world sex just because it went so well in my fantasies. It’s almost never been so.
• Suggested reading: Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Perhaps [Emmy] and I speak different ‘love languages’ and the thought is that this book might help us to discover that, if it is the case.
• Recommendation: I get off of my current dating web site, since that place is more geared to long-term relationships than the casual, no-strings-attached sexual flings that I need right now.
• Question: Is it realistic to try to create a steady stream of beautiful strangers in my life, so that the highly erotic pleasures of young romance never fade? Perhaps it isn’t given women’s tendency to think me unattractive. I’m lucky if I get one lady interested that way every few years, much less a steady stream of them every month. I want good sex a few times a month, and for that, I figure I’d need several different women, since novelty seems to be an essential component of strong sexual desire for me. I’d preserve the novelty by always having a few new women each month to date. However, since I can only attract one every few years, how likely is it that I’ll ever lure in enough to build a sustainable monthly supply of fresh blood? Not very, to be sure. But what else am I to do? I love that feeling and I’ve experienced it way too little. But if I admit that my reach exceeds my grasp here, then I must also give up that hope of ever experiencing that feeling again. I’m neither ready nor willing to do that. So I guess I’ll keep dreaming, hoping, and trying new things. I suppose I’ll keep going at my love quest.
