Sorry I’m three weeks late answering you. But as you know, it’s been a busy time around here.
At any rate, I’m glad that my family and I can be here for you; it feels good to know that we’re making such a positive difference in someone’s life, a special person who really needs it.
Yes, when we find someone special, what we thought mattered before, often does not once we fall. I guess I had enough other stuff that you wanted, to make you forget your “muscular” dream guy. Clearly, I’m not that. Yet you still love me.
I guess if we had been totally right together, I would not have desired other women. So don’t think that it’s normal to put up with your boyfriend wandering. If he really wants you, he won’t play in other fields. Some people make open relationships work well. But ultimately, I want more; I’d rather be exclusively involved with someone I’m crazy about. When she’s around, I think only of her, and no others.
We all have imperfections to accept, and we must trust that others accept them too. If they don’t, then we move on. Easier said than done, yes. I’m middle-aged, and still struggle with this. But take my word for it. This does get easier as you get older. Besides, it’s not like you’re missing an eye or sporting a gaping scar on your forehead. Whatever your imperfections, they’re not obtrusive except to someone who is really looking for them. I don’t see them at all.
Again, you worry too much, and again I must remind you that you’re choosing to worry. So stop it! If [Linda] ever meets you, she’ll agree. You are a beautiful lady in body, mind, and spirit. Once you believe that deeply, no one can make you doubt it. I wear thick glasses, so I’m looking for women who see past them; you must do the same with your insecurities. Seek people who do not see them. There’s a wealth of accepting souls out there who would never notice those “imperfections” that trouble you so.
Finally, as we discussed the other night, even in the worst case where no one accepts you, there should always be one person who does; and that person is you. You don’t need others’ acceptance to accept yourself, because you’re okay, no matter what they think.
As for no men ever finding you pretty: Nonsense! Every time we go for a walk, guys gawk at you. I think they’d look even more if I wasn’t there; they might even approach and say hello. Whatever scars you have don’t affect how men see you. I have scars, [M]. I have scars, moles, cysts, and my legs are very short for a man of my height (28’’ pants length). Indeed, many of your friends find me plain, and some have even said that I’m ugly as you know. But no matter [M]. I’m okay. I don’t need their approval to be me, and you need no approval to be you.
Now, if you were so butt-ugly that no one paid you any mind, then I’d understand your looks worries. But this is not the case and you know it. Many people think you’re tops because they’re always commenting about how pretty you are. Look at all the guys who’ve hit on you since you and I started. You might not desire them, and I’m not saying you should. But do not dismiss them. Take their compliments to heart, as proof that you’re not as plain as you imagine. Sometimes, what others think should matter; especially the positive stuff. So keep the positive and discard the negative.
Yes. I got many rejections in 2004 and as painful as they were, I grew a lot from them. I learned that people’s judgments should only mean so much. They should not affect how we accept ourselves. Hopefully, you won’t go through so much before you really get this.
When it comes to finding my dream girl, I’m no quitter. As we’ve discussed before, I promised myself back in 2001 that I’d either win the love quest, or die trying. I’ll never give up; and neither should you.
The quest has taught me so much about others and myself. It’s moved me to read books of all kinds, watch relationship TV shows, and to meet all sorts of diverse people. I learned too that most of what people judge us on when they like us, is not within our control. [Linda] is a remarkably beautiful woman. Yet most of what makes her this way is beyond her control. Her nature and nurture did it primarily, just as my nature and nurture made me find her so magnetic. We can’t really make people fall in love with us; certainly not by having a few small scars lasered.
My point, [Emmy], is that most of who you are is already set, and it’s that part of you that makes people love you if they’re going to. So don’t worry so much about becoming more lovable. Give up the idea that you must impress someone to make them fall. Stop regretting what you do not have, and start relishing what you do. Most every pot has at least one lid that fits it well. So try less to reshape your pot, and try more simply to find a lid that fits your pot, as it is.