Dear [Emmy],

Getting over someone abruptly leaving you can be quite the painful experience. I’ve suffered this pain several times over the years, and found the following books most helpful:

How to Survive the Loss of a Love,   by Peter McWilliams, Harold M. Bloomfield, and Melba Colgrove. This book offers thoughts, procedures, techniques, and diet tips to help ease the pain of jilt and ultimately, to get over rejection.  You’ll find lots of snappy and insightful quotes that should lift your spirits. 

You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought,  by Peter McWilliams. This work argues that you can reduce anxieties of all sorts by not thinking overly about the negative sides of issues. I found it a bit Pollyannaish. But when you’re hurting, it’s a great pick-me-up.

A Guide to Rational Living,   by Albert Ellis. Illustrates how irrational thinking about the self and love can intensify the pain of loss. Thinking rationally about jilt takes you a long way toward reducing the pain of it.

How to Control Your Anger Before it Controls You,   by Albert Ellis. Written in much the same style as the previous book. It offers suggestions and the rationale behind them, to help you avoid anger, and to get at the underlying feelings of hurt and frustration.

Inner Joy,   by Harold M. Bloomfield. Shows you the good things to focus on in relationships and offers ways to resolve the bad thoughts; it does not suggest simply to ignore the negative thoughts. But it takes the most common of these, and makes good arguments of why you should not entertain them.

Motivation and Personality,  by Abraham H. Maslow. Sometimes, people deal with the pain of jilt and the resulting loneliness, by denying their love needs. This can actually intensify their anxieties over their failed relationship because they’re denouncing the biologically based love need. Before you try that, read this book. It shows that as a general rule, we humans   must   exchange love to realize our highest potential.  You can’t just talk yourself out of this need. So you’ll not want to deny it as a way of ridding yourself of the pain.  Indeed, doing this would be denying your very nature.  [Mentat] and I talked extensively about Maslow’s work in this area.  Click here to see those and other related posts. 

Positive Imaging,   by Norman Vincent Peale. This is one of those feel-good-about-yourself books that I read back in 1989, that emphasizes how seeing the glass as half full rather than half empty can help you feel better.

I hope these books help you, [Emmy].  They’ve sure helped me over the years to cope with getting rejected as well as to actually get over rejection and return to happy living. 

Tom Hesley