Tom's Love Quest

Friends,

I’ve felt no inspiration to write the past few days. The loss of [Emmy] so abruptly, given how long we’ve been together, is bringing me down, and my mourning may be clouding my creative visions.  Plus, I’m in love with no one currently. So the love muse is gone too. Hopefully, I’ll get an inspirational recharge at the next foot party in July.

In the meantime though, I’m journaling, to record and better understand the ebbs and flows of creative writing as they happen in my life. Eventually, these experiences will be documented in my blogs; but not just now.

I’m also reading a biography called:  Francis Bacon: The Temper of a Man   by Catherine Drinker Bowen. I enjoy reading philosophy and hearing about those who write it, because in their life experiences, as told by themselves and others, I believe I can expand my understanding of my own situation, and thus, feel better about it, even though I’m not moved at present to write about it.  I’m confident though that this lacking desire to write will be short-lived, and that I’ll feel impassioned once more to blog, just as I was after meeting [Linda] last May.  All that need be done, is to find someone else to fall in love with, and then, the reams of daily writing will once again flow abundantly.  I am sure of it.

Take care.

Tom Hesley

Friends,

[Jack] and I will be attending the next VIP foot party on Friday, July 3rd. Looking forward to it.

Tom Hesley

Dear [Emmy],

Well, we just finished your first visit here since our breakup. Saying goodbye on Wednesday felt more like a real breakup than what we did over the phone back in May; it’s a struggle to hold back the tears. Giving you up is really going to be hard because as noted here, our monogamous relationship was very close to ideal. While I’m sorry I don’t have my whole heart to give you, what we have is still pretty darn good, even though we’re not dating exclusively anymore. We have a lot of wonderful history, and my feelings for you have not changed since I requested my freedom. So is it any wonder that I’d still want you to visit and continue sharing the way we did while going steady? I wish not to sacrifice the heart you’ve given me. But I understand why you might think this necessary.

I care deeply for you, [Emmy]. So I worry that you’re alone in the world since you have far fewer people to help you succeed than I did at your age. I enjoy offering you the same sort of help and love that I had when I was starting out. I suppose it’s my way of “fathering the daughter” I never had. Helping you, validates me; it makes me feel useful and that I can make a positive difference to someone. I’m paying the universe back in part for all the goodness it’s given me over the years. This is my way of passing on the love, or paying forward.

Before you, I had little of this, and doubted my ability to love selflessly; indeed, I could be very selfish as a young adult. But when you needed me, I rose to the challenge with greater capacity than I’d ever seen in myself before. You showed me that I’m not overly selfish, and that I can put the needs of others first when appropriate. You helped me grow a genuine and deep desire to make another happy. I learned from you how to love in giving and caring ways; ways that emphasize less the filling of my needs, and more the meeting of someone else’s. Being with you made it clear that by doing for a lover, I’m fulfilling some of my deepest longings as well. You drove home the point that selfless love is actually a selfish idea. E.g.: I wanted to do for you so I could be happy too.

While I still feel that true love is first selfish, and then selfless, you taught that the selfless part plays a bigger role in love than I’d ever imagined before. So you established firmly in my mind that I have a good heart and that I can, with less hardship than I ever expected, do some real good in the world.

I often feared dying without ever having learned to be selfless. But I carry this burden no more thanks to you, [Emmy]. Now, whenever death comes, I’ll have a clear conscience. My grandparents would be proud because if they were alive today, because I think they’d enjoy seeing me pass to you a little of what they gave to me. You would be worthy of receiving every bit of love they offered me, and I’ll forever be glad that over the past five years, I could show you a little of what Gram and Pap Jewell were all about. So with all that said, yes. Part of me wants to be kind to you and hopefully now, you have some idea why.

Thus, you were right a few days back when you said that I pity you. I do. You said though, that you didn’t want pity. But this sort of pity has some goodness to it! I pity you because I love you; not because I deem you of lesser value or less capable. My compassion stems from the extra hardship you’ve experienced, and will continue to experience. I recognize this in you; just my grandparents saw it in me. They wanted to make the journey a little less painful for me, just as I do for you. They pitied me, and I’m a far better person for that kindness today. I realize that you have it tough as a vision-impaired person because I’ve had it tough too for, to a lesser degree, the same reason. While I haven’t the power to remove all your obstacles, I do wish to ease your difficulties where I can. I believe you have great potential and that you’ll begin realizing it when you get connected with a bunch of truly compassionate people like Marsha and Mike et al; people who will gladly help you determine and then achieve your goals.

While some might describe what we have as a mere “friendship with benefits,” you know as do I, that it’s so much more. My desire to be there for you is deeper than just sexual, as I trust that this letter shows. You’ve helped me to be less lonely, and I’ve helped you to get on in the world. Perhaps what we have is more symbiotic than romantic. Nonetheless though, it benefits us both. So I had hoped that you’d continue benefiting me until I got into my dream relationship, and in return, I’d benefit you by helping you get where you most need to go. But I guess such an arrangement would just be delaying the inevitable. I fear that we will eventually grow apart.

Now this part of what I feel for you is admittedly, a bit selfish. Until the best women for me appear if they ever do at all, I’m happy with a lady who is 95 percent better than no one; I’m happy with you [Emmy]. The thought of going back to the years of loneliness before you came into my life, terrifies me. You’re the first person that proved that an all-or-nothing approach to relationships may not be the best way to operate; especially when the choice is either being 95 percent happy, or 100 percent lonely, without any female companionship whatsoever. Indeed people can be very good associates, though not ideal lovers. Yet I know this would be painful for you, to witness me pursuing other women. So maybe it’s wrong for me to suggest that you hang with me until my dream girl arrives. If you feel so, then I understand. Perhaps I have used you. But if so, it was for no other selfish gain than to quell my loneliness, see you smile, and to prove my own abilities to be selfless. Is that really so bad?

Take care.

Tom Hesley

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Friends,

[Emmy] went home today. Curious. Today felt more like a real breakup than when we actually broke up in May. As I left her at the train station, this inescapable feeling gripped me, that we’d never see each other again in this way; we won’t be lovers the next time.  More barriers of being just friends will be in place by then I fear. But at least, while she won’t visit as much in the months to come, we’ll still talk on the phone daily as per usual; for now anyway.  I’ll need some time to get used to seeing her less, before I can start getting used to talking less on the phone. I’m glad she has not insisted on a complete communication stoppage. 

Made a dozen or so posts on My Telespace; a few ladies messaged me privately. I think they like me, so that lessened the sting of losing [Emmy] a little. But as soon as I hung up, that old and familiar pit in the stomach returned. It’s going to take some months to come to feel good about giving [Emmy] up.

Talked with [Emmy] once she got home. All the rain this evening delayed the train somewhat. But she reached her apartment just after 9:20 PM. Hearing her voice was comforting because at least, she’s not gone completely. I cried over her a little too, which is the first time the tears welled for a woman in over a decade. But it was my choice to end the serious dating we’ve been doing for close to five years now; though it was a choice that I could not have made in any other way, unfortunately.  See here for some of the reasons why I had to do it.

Take care.

Tom Hesley

Dear [Mentat],

I enjoyed our debate last weekend about how close to true love, love at first sight (LAFS) actually comes. You say that LAFS is not love at all, but rather just infatuation or lust. So you seem to believe that LAFS is not a useful indicator of how much in love we might fall, and so should be ignored while selecting a lover. If I understood you correctly, we should not use it therefore, to determine who we’re the most likely to fall in love with. I say however, that LAFS   is   love, or more precisely, it can be, because it often and quickly leads to the kind of life-long love the folks the world over revere. Allow me to further clarify my position.

I suppose that how meaningful   love at first sight   is, depends on the particular qualities you’re looking for. If you seek primarily a person’s “surface” or immediately-visible traits that attract you, then you needn’t delve too deeply to find those, as by definition, they are apparent at first sight. Example: How about the man who is moved romantically by a long pair of slender female legs? He need know little about her deepest, inner workings to know that she attracts him in the ways that he prefers. On the other hand, if you’re searching for less visible traits, such as a person’s pet peeves, their political views, or how they’ll treat you when you’re sick, then LAFS probably won’t occur for you, since you’ll have to spend some months digging for those “deeper” facts before your heart will allow you to “fall.”  Since the qualities sought here are not apparent at first sight, then LAFS will not happen.

Of course, most people don’t seek just one quality; they like several to many. Our leg man may also like women who speak with southern accents (an indicator of the preferred background he’s seeking). And / or, he may be drawn to a flautist or anyone who is deeply involved with music. If we observe a lady playing the piccolo, and a piccolo player is the sort of person that really turns us on, then we needn’t know any more about her than that she plays piccolo in order to feel the romantic draw of LAFS. Then, if the piccolo player thanks us for our applause with a southern accent, and has great legs to boot, we get even more excited.  My point: There are many readily discernible qualities therefore that can trigger the LAFS sensations; qualities that tell us much about the deep recesses of the person even though they are immediately visible.

To me, a person’s “surface” traits as you call them, are probably no less indicative of their attractiveness than their more obscure “inner” traits like personality, values, how they act once they really know someone well, and so on. If they look pretty outside, then they probably have the sort of mental constitution on the inside I’m looking for.  Conversely, if they have the lifestyles, intellect, and values that I prefer on the inside, then I’ll usually find them attractive on the outside too. The outside tells us much about the inside if you know how to read it.  Therefore, you really can judge a book by its cover. 

Now I must say that I’m reluctant to split humans into an outer or surface half, and an inner, personality-based half because the physical body resembles the personality and the personality resembles the physical body.  The two are so heavily connected and dependent on one another that they cannot be meaningfully discussed separately, since so much of what’s in the one is derived from what’s in the other. I make the distinction here though, because in your arguments on Saturday, you did it when you referred to the “surface” qualities Vs. the deeper, “inner” qualities of a lady.  I do it here just to show that it can’t really be done.  See my article, Outer Vs. Inner Beauty  for further arguments in this vein. 

I agree that LAFS is based primarily on more surface qualities than the more slowly developed love that you’ve experienced with your current girlfriend. But does this invalidate LAFS? I think not. Why? People resist the usefulness of LAFS, believing that how a person looks on the outside says   nothing   about who they are on the inside. This is wrong in my view. How they look and who they are, are essentially just different manifestations of a person’s whole essence. Their looks are very indicative of their total nature as human beings, just as are their personalities.  Click here for arguments that without personality (the insides) to animate a body (the outsides), the body cannot be attractive.   

But, people can make themselves look more attractive than they actually are.  It’s true that the outsides can be made to misrepresent the insides through the use of makeup, elevated shoes, toilet paper in the bra, cosmetic surgery, and so on. So you might argue that the outsides so manipulated, would not necessarily show the true, inner person, and you’d probably be right. But in this case, it’s the manipulation  of the readily visible traits that renders them less useful; it’s nothing inherent in the traits themselves.  However, they do show that the person is not comfortable in their own skin, which could indicate a host of hidden psychological problems and low self esteem issues.

I’ll admit that LAFS tells us little about the beloved’s capacity to love us back. The fact that we love them at first sight does not mean they will love us in return. To figure that out, we must take the necessary time to learn how they’ll treat us once romance begins to flourish. LAFS is therefore no crystal ball.  Indeed, it often misleads us to people not well-suited for us.  Just as sugar in and of itself makes not the perfect cake, so it is that LAFS does not by itself, create the forever-perfect relationship. In my view, love at first sight (LAFS) is a necessary  ingredient for a passionate, deep, and lasting relationship, just as sugar is for a cake that tastes good.  But it’s not a sufficient  ingredient. 

Without sugar, the cake is not sweet at all and so there would be little reason to eat it.  Yet LAFS does sweeten the cake; it predisposes us to view our beloved’s behaviors more favorably, and to love them with greater devotion; especially if they love us too. It boosts our tolerance of their idiosyncrasies, and thus, makes it easier to put up with them over the long haul. It causes us to reshape our goals and values to better accommodate our lover’s. In this way, LAFS can inspire a deeper love eventually that makes it easier to stay with the beloved through the rough times. Thus, I’d say that LAFS a necessary precursor to the most successful marriages.  So while LAFS is no guarantee of lasting love, it often results in such. See here for examples of how the quickest born romances in my life indeed lasted the longest. Thus, if you want the deepest and most lasting love, then LAFS would be a sure way to raise the odds of getting just that. LAFS can indeed be a significant indicator of lasting love to come.

Take care.

Tom Hesley

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• Water Park Musings: 2010-06-02

Friends,

People say that you can’t predict when that in-love feeling will strike. They argue that we shouldn’t be picky about who we date because, as they say, you never know when the love bug will bite. If you judge someone as an unfit lover before getting to know them deeply, then you’ll probably walk right past one who could make you happier than you ever imagined. I got this sort of push back when posting the “formula” for my ideal woman to a couple mail lists a while back. They balked at the notion of “planning” for love, calling it a futile exercise.  As they put it, loves trikes when you least expect it.  So you shouldn’t even try predicting it. How it works they claim, is unknowable and that when it finally comes, it’s a blessing from above. In short, they say that we should not look a gift horse in the mouth and that those who try are wasting their time. God will bring love to our lives in his own time, and we as lowly humans can’t possibly know his schedule.

I agree that the very young and / or inexperienced may be unable to predict accurately who he’ll fall for. But I’ve found that the more I’ve fallen (or not), the more detailed and refined the ideal lady becomes in my mind, and the better I understand her, and the more quickly I recognize her when I see her. True, it’s never 100% accurate. But once you know what to look for, where to look, and what to avoid, it gets easy to target dates that, if they’re reasonably nice and receptive, you’ll fall for almost every time.  Love is highly predictable if you know what you’re doing.

In my case, certain types of people and environments are more likely to promote this falling in love than others. The recent parties I’ve attended exemplify this. I’ve met women in many diverse places, from subways to caves, from airplanes to helicopters. and most recently, at these parties. So far, I’ve attended two of these, and in both cases, found an abundance of women who falling for was simple. The party organizer and I apparently have the same tastes in women because he picks the ones I generally like the best. As I see it, if you’re hunting for elephants, you go where the elephants are. So by choosing your hunting grounds intelligently, you’ll raise your odds of bagging what you want by many fold. By working the right venues, you can better predict the likelihood that you’ll find love.  This is highly predictable.

Also, you can increase this “psychic ability” at predicting good love for you, by looking within yourself. Ask yourself who  really  turns you on. Look in your dreams for this answer, as well as your childhood. Experts suggest that what attracts us to specific sorts of lovers is for the most part, already established long before adulthood; in pre adolescence in fact. People resembling those that you most fantasized about as a kid, are probably the ones you’ll most quickly, most deeply, and most lastingly fall in love with as an adult. Thus, to make lasting love last longer, we need to spend less time trying to change what we like, and more time simply understanding what we like to begin with, and then pursuing those natural desires.  Pursuing genuine desires brings us much closer to fulfilling them.  This is highly predictable as well.

In my view, we should act on our truest desires; not so much those that we run through filters of choice. Often, we rule out someone that we’d otherwise find irresistible, due to academic or intellectual concerns. Maybe she comes from “the wrong side of the tracks” or he doesn’t make as much money as we’d like. In extreme cases, people actually defy their deepest desires in lovers, because they deem such longings irrational or petty. Because they can’t discover rational reasons for the wanting, they set out to ignore it. This is sad, because this way of proceeding promotes inequality, and, it can cause us to pass over someone who would have been a wonderful lover to boot. If one renounces his deepest yearnings, then he’ll have no chance of ever becoming maximally fulfilled in love. Indeed, the best kind of love is not a love that we intellectually decide to have. It’s one that we already desire, and then use our intellect to augment rather than quell. So listen to your heart and follow your dreams, and this will put you in the running for finding that love of your life.  This is highly predictable too.

Some call me a racist, as I generally date only white women. But it’s not that. In my childhood, I knew no black, Indian, Hispanic, Asian, or other ethnicities, as I’m from a small, all-white town in rural PA. There, in the late 60s, the only lover role models to build fantasies around were white women. So in my impressionable years, I based my dream girl ideal on them. They were the ones with whom my childhood eroticism became inextricably associated. In my earliest, most pliable years therefore, I came to know white girls as the ones who could make me feel the most romantically stimulated. Thus, my dream girl is white, and by choosing white dates therefore, I’ve significantly raised my chances of falling in love. Now I do like black women in platonic ways, and indeed have several as close friends. And, in some rare cases, they can excite me romantically for short periods of time. But by in large, it’s the white girls that steal my heart with that automatic and thought-free love lust that they inspire. In short, my advice to you if you’re looking for lasting passion in your relationships. is to find the people you  truly  desire. Then falling for them becomes a virtual certainty. Indeed, it’s highly predictable.

Also, consider that your dreams tell you lots about who you want most as well. If you’re dreaming of them in fond ways, then you’ll probably feel the same when you meet them for real. Your dreams therefore, give you a glimpse of what she’s like before you ever meet her. So, find the women of your dreams, in reality, and you’ll most likely fall in love with her at first sight. Again, this is highly predictable.

People tell me that I’m too picky. I’m puzzled over how they would know this; especially if they don’t know my life and the set of desires I’m working with. They call me shallow too. This I can dismiss though because typically, the people saying this aren’t ones that I’d date anyway. They often denounce my desires, calling them trivial, and claiming that I want things that have nothing to do with the woman’s true essence. You’ll often encounter resistance from people who fall outside your ideal as I have; especially  if you fall within theirs. They’ll resent you for rejecting them because they desire you, and can’t have you. Don’t worry though, and more importantly, don’t listen. They can’t know you better than you know yourself, and so the odds are very good that they have you wrong anyway. Thus, if you let them define who you desire, you’ll probably end up in romance-less, will-based relationships where the best you can do is just go through the motions. Taking too seriously what others think are noble desires for you, will almost surely lead you to feeble eroticism and repeated dead-ends in love. This is highly predictable as well.  So avoid it.

I’ll close for now by saying that if true gratification is really about satisfying your needs and desires, and if you know these very well, then knowing the kinds of dates you’re most likely to love becomes a veritable snap. You’d best listen to your desires if you hope to ever gratify them fully. Those who heed their hearts have the greatest chances of actually getting what they want, and therefore being the most happy.  One last time: This is highly predictable.

Take care.

Tom Hesley

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• Water Park Musings: 2010-06-02

Dear [Linda],

Regrettable that we were unable to connect romantically. But I do hope that you’ll still be my friend and that you do not feel uncomfortable, should we see each other at the parties. I’m not angry. It just wasn’t there for you.  If I’m not your dream guy, then you can’t possibly be my dream girl.  Sorry if I concluded too quickly that you were.  If you don’t want me, then I’ll shortly, and no longer, want you.  I promise.

One thing you said last weekend that I readily identified with, was that often you develop feelings for lovers quickly. But then you find them fading within weeks. It’s frustrating when love doesn’t last, isn’t it?  As you know, I’ve grappled with this issue, and while I have no complete solutions yet, I have come a long way toward addressing it. So, I invite you to read on here, and check out the rest of this blog, where I discuss this problem at length; particularly in the letters to [Emmy]. I’d also enjoy reading about how you’ve dealt with this yourself, and perhaps others will comment as well. 

I’ve found that some of this rapid loss of the love feelings stems from choosing lovers poorly in the first place.  Knowing one’s needs well, and then refusing to settle for anyone who does not meet them quickly and decisively, will help ensure that lovers you do pick will turn out to be the loves of your life.   Of course, no one can guarantee this, because human behavior in love is largely unpredictable.  No matter how carefully you choose at the start, people can change over time or your desires might change as well.  But you can take steps to make the best selection you can.  You can pick lovers that will work out better over the long haul if you’re careful, than you can if you’re careless.  Being careful at the start really does pay off, throughout the relationship that follows.  Choosing a lover therefore, need not be some hit or miss, enigmatic process.  Doing this knowingly is entirely possible, if you’re in tune with what you really want.  With a little prudence and forethought, you can significantly raise the odds that your next lover will be able to provide you lasting passion.

When selecting the best lovers for example, compromise and compassion are your worst enemies; they’ll only confuse you and make you second-guess your choices.  Though these are noble qualities to exhibit when assisting someone less fortunate, you must not allow them to cloud your judgment when figuring out if a suitor will be a great lover.  Making due and settling, while this might make the lover happy, will only make you sad in the long run.  So avoid it.  Never pick a lover because you feel that you cannot do better; particularly if you   want   to do better.  Also, avoid suitors for whom you feel sorrow or pity.  If they appear to need you too much or too quickly, my experiences suggest that this can completely extinguish romance, within days even.  In order to maximize eroticism in both intensity and duration, you must pick lovers who are in every way that matters, perfect for you.

This is not to say that compromise and compassion have   no place   in the relationship.  They do; especially once the two lovers have fallen and have begun building a life together.  Without compromise and compassion, it’d be virtually impossible to keep up the motivation to stay with someone, through thick and thin, and in sickness as well as in health, as it were.  But at the beginning, before love comes, these traits can mislead us into thinking that someone is ultimately right, when in fact, they’re quite wrong. Concern about their welfare should not enter your mind during the making of this decision.  At this point, it’s all about you.

Contrary to common belief, picking a good lover is among the most selfish of human pursuits, as it should be.  You can’t do it well with altruistic motives.  Your needs must come first.  So this is one of those times when it’s right to be brutally selfish; especially when getting what you most want lays in the balance.  It’s not acceptable to defer or sacrifice what you want, so that another may have their dream come true.  Indeed, the more selfish and insistent you are, the better the lovers you choose will be at making you happy over the long term.  Though this approach may earn you disdain from your friends as well as people who you reject as lovers, it’s still best to stay the course.  Don’t allow them to shame you away from your dreams.  Avoid people who seem to know more about what you want than you.  No one can take care of you better than you, and no one knows more about what’s best for you either.  You are your own best expert.  So listen to yourself.  Follow your heart effectively, and I’m certain that you’ll have much better luck keeping the fires of passion and romance burning brightly, and indefinitely.

So you see why I say that if I’m not your dream guy, then you can’t be my dream girl. One of the qualifications a dream girl must meet is that she thinks of me as a dream guy.  So if I’m not someone you desire at the very base of your soul, then I would not be able to keep you happy for long, no matter what I did.  Sooner or later, and probably sooner, the love feelings would die, and we both want to avoid that.  Right?  My dream girl is happy with me without my having to do a thing outside what I normally do. If I must struggle to impress her, then she’s not it.  If she must compromise her ideals to love me, or if she loves out of pity for me, then again, she’s not it.  I would not ask a lady to love me for either of these reasons, and I don’t mean to suggest that you were ever extra nice to me because of them.  I only bring this up because you noted that you like feeling useful, and some of the dates that you described, sounded a bit needy.  Maybe this was what squelched your feelings for them so quickly?  I don’t know.  I’m just guessing.  But it could be.  I hope you’ll consider it. 

Anyway, I must get going.  I hope your June goes well and perhaps I’ll see you at the next party.

So take care [Linda].

Tom Hesley

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Friends,

Last weekend, [Linda] quipped that she’d like to see more of my writing that focuses less on my quest for true love, and more on life outside of the quest.  However, since the Love Quest has been such a big focus of mine for so long, most of my prose over the past seventeen years pertains to it exclusively.  But I have written on other topics during times of diversion, where I learned a bit of some other disciplines, like solving computer problems, completing home maintenance projects, pursuing good health, et al.  So, I wanted to let you know that such   other   work is available at the following blogs:

• Tom’s Diary
• Tom’s Views

Check them out.  At these spots, you’ll find much information about  the more mundane me  and what my life is like when I’m not questing, or writing about the quest.  Enjoy.

Tom Hesley

Friends,

The past two foot parties have me considering doing things that I’d never have done before last May. There are lots of women near where I live that have gorgeous feet. So it would be nice to recruit a few of them to visit me regularly, saving me the monthly trips to the east, not to mention the cover charges to get into the parties there.  But I’ve never asked to give them foot massages here because unlike a big city, anonymity in this small town does not exist.  Everyone knows everyone else, and if one woman was to find my proposition distasteful, she’d likely tell her friends.  Then, they’d tell their friends, and then before too long, the whole town would be talking about “that weirdo, Tom Hesley.” 

I don’t care much about   my   reputation here, since my writing does not target any local audiences.  So I need not please any neighbors in order to do well with the blogs.  In fact, I might be encouraged if people hated me, because the hater audiences can make one rich, like they did Howard Stern, Rush Limbaugh, and others. 

But I don’t want to distress my family either.  They are much more concerned about their reputations than I am about mine.  Misconceptions and prejudices about foot worship abound, and this I fear, is especially true in rural PA, where I’m located.  My family has generally not supported my attending the foot parties, arguing that what I’m doing could destroy my father’s legacy, and ruin their good names in this tight-knit community as well. They hold jobs in this area. attend church, have children that interact with other families, and so on, and I would on the one hand, want to avoid any behaviors that might subject them to backlash at work or at these other social venues. 

On the other hand, I’m not responsible for keeping Dad’s good legacy alive; only my legacy.  Nor am I accountable for the individual or collective reputations of my family.  As I see it, if their friends disparage them for the things I do, then they need new friends.  Guilt by association is an antiquated and immature way of judging others, that should have been eliminated from our culture after the Salem witch trials. If I’m guilty of anything, that clearly does not mean that the other family members are guilty.  That’s elementary.  People need to learn to see others as individuals in their own rights, and judge them less based on the groups to which they belong; especially if those groups were not chosen by them (like one’s family is not chosen for example). 

Besides, it’s not as though foot worship is illegal; it’s harmless, it’s clean, and it’s real fun.  When I find women who are willing to have it done to them, they invariably enjoy getting it, and I invariably, like giving it. 

How, I asked my mother, would anything ever get into the mainstream if people shy away from expressing it?  One day, I told her, feet might supplant breasts as the sexual objects of choice and fantasy in our culture.  Many folks still hide their preference for feet but it will be great when the day comes that they can be as open about their desires as the man who prefers breasts. 

Finally, I’m not just about foot worship.  I’m also looking for a lasting romantic relationship eventually.  If I like her feet, I’ll probably like her as well.  Pretty feet would certainly bias me in her favor.  So I’m only interested in worshipping women where the sky is the limit if they like me.  They should be available for dating.  In fact, their availability helps make foot worship enjoyable.  If they’re not available, I’ll probably not like their feet.  It’s more than just the feet therefore, that make the feet beautiful.  So I don’t generally do married ladies or others that have strong romantic and emotional ties to other men.

So, with all that said, here is the question: How can I get what I desire without having to move away from this area, and home?  Are there ways to go about it without injuring my family’s reputation?  I welcome your comments.  In short: what would be a most innocuous way to direct more foot traffic through my house?

Take care.

Tom Hesley

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• Necessary Verses Needless Rejections

Hi   [Miss Independent].

You were the last one I met at this month’s foot party, between 1:15 and 1:35. Surprisingly, I had to force myself to ask you for a session.  You were the first woman at these parties that I felt scared to approach, even though you saying yes was a virtual certainty. This shyness is one sure way I know that a lady really attracts me. So, you must be quite alluring to produce such timidity at such an accepting atmosphere as the foot party.

I’m sorry there wasn’t more time to get acquainted. But I learned enough to know that I’d enjoy meeting you again at the next party, for a much longer session. You were the 23 year old who said she had 32-inch inseams, and that in grade school, your long legs embarrassed you; but nowadays, you think them sexy. Well, they are certainly that.

I enjoyed making out with your exquisite feet, and loved how you cupped your arches and toes to completely cover my mouth as I lay on the floor on my back, worshiping you. For a moment, I actually preferred kissing your feet to kissing the lips of any woman. No, twenty minutes was not enough. We must do more time. Are you game?

I call you   Miss Independent,   because the first thing you said when I asked about you, was that you were a very independent person. Did you say this to show your pride at having achieved it, or were you warning me to avoid falling in love because romance just isn’t your thing? Well, don’t worry; at least not for now. Twenty minutes was too short a time for me to fall. But if I learn more of the right stuff about you the next time, I could fall. No big deal though. I’m harmless. Ask [Linda].    If you felt differently should this happen, I’d not press you. How far things go would be entirely up to you.  I just love the falling.

The most bizarre part of our session was when [Linda] walked past our suite’s open door. She saw me absorbed in my obsession, kissing your toes and ankles as I lay on my stomach before you.  You sat on the leather couch looking aloof but pleased.  As she beheld the spectacle, she cheerfully said, “Good night, Tom!” as she was leaving. That did feel weird. I think you sensed that too because of the way you chuckled. I found it intensely erotic though, because [Linda] had just rejected me. So it felt remarkably empowering to show her that I could easily move to others, since she wished not to play the love game with me. You made forgetting about her a snap, and I thank you so much for being there at just the right time.  You pulled me out of a love I wished no longer to be in.  Again, thanks so much. 

I’m once again back on neutral ground; not in love with anyone.  So I hope we meet again. [Jack] and I are working and saving for the next VIP party in July. We’re not certain if we’ll get there yet, but I’ll let you know in a later post, when we know either way. Keep your eyes on this blog for updates.  Again, nice meeting you, and the next time I see you, I’d be up for at least an hour session; perhaps more if it goes well. So write if you like. It’d be cool to read your comments here. 

Enjoy the rest of your June.

Take care.

Tom Hesley