Regrettable that we were unable to connect romantically. But I do hope that you’ll still be my friend and that you do not feel uncomfortable, should we see each other at the parties. I’m not angry. It just wasn’t there for you. If I’m not your dream guy, then you can’t possibly be my dream girl. Sorry if I concluded too quickly that you were. If you don’t want me, then I’ll shortly, and no longer, want you. I promise.
One thing you said last weekend that I readily identified with, was that often you develop feelings for lovers quickly. But then you find them fading within weeks. It’s frustrating when love doesn’t last, isn’t it? As you know, I’ve grappled with this issue, and while I have no complete solutions yet, I have come a long way toward addressing it. So, I invite you to read on here, and check out the rest of this blog, where I discuss this problem at length; particularly in the letters to [Emmy]. I’d also enjoy reading about how you’ve dealt with this yourself, and perhaps others will comment as well.
I’ve found that some of this rapid loss of the love feelings stems from choosing lovers poorly in the first place. Knowing one’s needs well, and then refusing to settle for anyone who does not meet them quickly and decisively, will help ensure that lovers you do pick will turn out to be the loves of your life. Of course, no one can guarantee this, because human behavior in love is largely unpredictable. No matter how carefully you choose at the start, people can change over time or your desires might change as well. But you can take steps to make the best selection you can. You can pick lovers that will work out better over the long haul if you’re careful, than you can if you’re careless. Being careful at the start really does pay off, throughout the relationship that follows. Choosing a lover therefore, need not be some hit or miss, enigmatic process. Doing this knowingly is entirely possible, if you’re in tune with what you really want. With a little prudence and forethought, you can significantly raise the odds that your next lover will be able to provide you lasting passion.
When selecting the best lovers for example, compromise and compassion are your worst enemies; they’ll only confuse you and make you second-guess your choices. Though these are noble qualities to exhibit when assisting someone less fortunate, you must not allow them to cloud your judgment when figuring out if a suitor will be a great lover. Making due and settling, while this might make the lover happy, will only make you sad in the long run. So avoid it. Never pick a lover because you feel that you cannot do better; particularly if you want to do better. Also, avoid suitors for whom you feel sorrow or pity. If they appear to need you too much or too quickly, my experiences suggest that this can completely extinguish romance, within days even. In order to maximize eroticism in both intensity and duration, you must pick lovers who are in every way that matters, perfect for you.
This is not to say that compromise and compassion have no place in the relationship. They do; especially once the two lovers have fallen and have begun building a life together. Without compromise and compassion, it’d be virtually impossible to keep up the motivation to stay with someone, through thick and thin, and in sickness as well as in health, as it were. But at the beginning, before love comes, these traits can mislead us into thinking that someone is ultimately right, when in fact, they’re quite wrong. Concern about their welfare should not enter your mind during the making of this decision. At this point, it’s all about you.
Contrary to common belief, picking a good lover is among the most selfish of human pursuits, as it should be. You can’t do it well with altruistic motives. Your needs must come first. So this is one of those times when it’s right to be brutally selfish; especially when getting what you most want lays in the balance. It’s not acceptable to defer or sacrifice what you want, so that another may have their dream come true. Indeed, the more selfish and insistent you are, the better the lovers you choose will be at making you happy over the long term. Though this approach may earn you disdain from your friends as well as people who you reject as lovers, it’s still best to stay the course. Don’t allow them to shame you away from your dreams. Avoid people who seem to know more about what you want than you. No one can take care of you better than you, and no one knows more about what’s best for you either. You are your own best expert. So listen to yourself. Follow your heart effectively, and I’m certain that you’ll have much better luck keeping the fires of passion and romance burning brightly, and indefinitely.
So you see why I say that if I’m not your dream guy, then you can’t be my dream girl. One of the qualifications a dream girl must meet is that she thinks of me as a dream guy. So if I’m not someone you desire at the very base of your soul, then I would not be able to keep you happy for long, no matter what I did. Sooner or later, and probably sooner, the love feelings would die, and we both want to avoid that. Right? My dream girl is happy with me without my having to do a thing outside what I normally do. If I must struggle to impress her, then she’s not it. If she must compromise her ideals to love me, or if she loves out of pity for me, then again, she’s not it. I would not ask a lady to love me for either of these reasons, and I don’t mean to suggest that you were ever extra nice to me because of them. I only bring this up because you noted that you like feeling useful, and some of the dates that you described, sounded a bit needy. Maybe this was what squelched your feelings for them so quickly? I don’t know. I’m just guessing. But it could be. I hope you’ll consider it.
Anyway, I must get going. I hope your June goes well and perhaps I’ll see you at the next party.
So take care [Linda].