Predicting Love
Friends,
People say that you can’t predict when that in-love feeling will strike. They argue that we shouldn’t be picky about who we date because, as they say, you never know when the love bug will bite. If you judge someone as an unfit lover before getting to know them deeply, then you’ll probably walk right past one who could make you happier than you ever imagined. I got this sort of push back when posting the “formula” for my ideal woman to a couple mail lists a while back. They balked at the notion of “planning” for love, calling it a futile exercise. As they put it, loves trikes when you least expect it. So you shouldn’t even try predicting it. How it works they claim, is unknowable and that when it finally comes, it’s a blessing from above. In short, they say that we should not look a gift horse in the mouth and that those who try are wasting their time. God will bring love to our lives in his own time, and we as lowly humans can’t possibly know his schedule.
I agree that the very young and / or inexperienced may be unable to predict accurately who he’ll fall for. But I’ve found that the more I’ve fallen (or not), the more detailed and refined the ideal lady becomes in my mind, and the better I understand her, and the more quickly I recognize her when I see her. True, it’s never 100% accurate. But once you know what to look for, where to look, and what to avoid, it gets easy to target dates that, if they’re reasonably nice and receptive, you’ll fall for almost every time. Love is highly predictable if you know what you’re doing.
In my case, certain types of people and environments are more likely to promote this falling in love than others. The recent parties I’ve attended exemplify this. I’ve met women in many diverse places, from subways to caves, from airplanes to helicopters. and most recently, at these parties. So far, I’ve attended two of these, and in both cases, found an abundance of women who falling for was simple. The party organizer and I apparently have the same tastes in women because he picks the ones I generally like the best. As I see it, if you’re hunting for elephants, you go where the elephants are. So by choosing your hunting grounds intelligently, you’ll raise your odds of bagging what you want by many fold. By working the right venues, you can better predict the likelihood that you’ll find love. This is highly predictable.
Also, you can increase this “psychic ability” at predicting good love for you, by looking within yourself. Ask yourself who really turns you on. Look in your dreams for this answer, as well as your childhood. Experts suggest that what attracts us to specific sorts of lovers is for the most part, already established long before adulthood; in pre adolescence in fact. People resembling those that you most fantasized about as a kid, are probably the ones you’ll most quickly, most deeply, and most lastingly fall in love with as an adult. Thus, to make lasting love last longer, we need to spend less time trying to change what we like, and more time simply understanding what we like to begin with, and then pursuing those natural desires. Pursuing genuine desires brings us much closer to fulfilling them. This is highly predictable as well.
In my view, we should act on our truest desires; not so much those that we run through filters of choice. Often, we rule out someone that we’d otherwise find irresistible, due to academic or intellectual concerns. Maybe she comes from “the wrong side of the tracks” or he doesn’t make as much money as we’d like. In extreme cases, people actually defy their deepest desires in lovers, because they deem such longings irrational or petty. Because they can’t discover rational reasons for the wanting, they set out to ignore it. This is sad, because this way of proceeding promotes inequality, and, it can cause us to pass over someone who would have been a wonderful lover to boot. If one renounces his deepest yearnings, then he’ll have no chance of ever becoming maximally fulfilled in love. Indeed, the best kind of love is not a love that we intellectually decide to have. It’s one that we already desire, and then use our intellect to augment rather than quell. So listen to your heart and follow your dreams, and this will put you in the running for finding that love of your life. This is highly predictable too.
Some call me a racist, as I generally date only white women. But it’s not that. In my childhood, I knew no black, Indian, Hispanic, Asian, or other ethnicities, as I’m from a small, all-white town in rural PA. There, in the late 60s, the only lover role models to build fantasies around were white women. So in my impressionable years, I based my dream girl ideal on them. They were the ones with whom my childhood eroticism became inextricably associated. In my earliest, most pliable years therefore, I came to know white girls as the ones who could make me feel the most romantically stimulated. Thus, my dream girl is white, and by choosing white dates therefore, I’ve significantly raised my chances of falling in love. Now I do like black women in platonic ways, and indeed have several as close friends. And, in some rare cases, they can excite me romantically for short periods of time. But by in large, it’s the white girls that steal my heart with that automatic and thought-free love lust that they inspire. In short, my advice to you if you’re looking for lasting passion in your relationships. is to find the people you truly desire. Then falling for them becomes a virtual certainty. Indeed, it’s highly predictable.
Also, consider that your dreams tell you lots about who you want most as well. If you’re dreaming of them in fond ways, then you’ll probably feel the same when you meet them for real. Your dreams therefore, give you a glimpse of what she’s like before you ever meet her. So, find the women of your dreams, in reality, and you’ll most likely fall in love with her at first sight. Again, this is highly predictable.
People tell me that I’m too picky. I’m puzzled over how they would know this; especially if they don’t know my life and the set of desires I’m working with. They call me shallow too. This I can dismiss though because typically, the people saying this aren’t ones that I’d date anyway. They often denounce my desires, calling them trivial, and claiming that I want things that have nothing to do with the woman’s true essence. You’ll often encounter resistance from people who fall outside your ideal as I have; especially if you fall within theirs. They’ll resent you for rejecting them because they desire you, and can’t have you. Don’t worry though, and more importantly, don’t listen. They can’t know you better than you know yourself, and so the odds are very good that they have you wrong anyway. Thus, if you let them define who you desire, you’ll probably end up in romance-less, will-based relationships where the best you can do is just go through the motions. Taking too seriously what others think are noble desires for you, will almost surely lead you to feeble eroticism and repeated dead-ends in love. This is highly predictable as well. So avoid it.
I’ll close for now by saying that if true gratification is really about satisfying your needs and desires, and if you know these very well, then knowing the kinds of dates you’re most likely to love becomes a veritable snap. You’d best listen to your desires if you hope to ever gratify them fully. Those who heed their hearts have the greatest chances of actually getting what they want, and therefore being the most happy. One last time: This is highly predictable.
Take care.
June 2nd, 2010 at 3:20 pm
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