Dear Terra
Dear [Terra],
Hey, thanks for speaking to my friends on the telephone forum at the VIP foot party the other night. You sounded really cute when I listened to your message later, and they enjoyed hearing you describe our session. Perhaps we can do that again at another party.
Glad you made it in July. Wasn’t sure if you’d return, since you missed the June party. But you came back, and that was nice.
Also, thanks for taking a peak at my blogs. Being an English major, I bet you’d have some thoughtful and thought-provoking comments to make. But if you don’t feel like saying anything profound, just say hi. I’d welcome any comments, no matter how short.
You know, you’re the first lady I did sessions with at my first foot party. You helped get all this started for me. Thanks for showing me how these parties work, and for making sure that [Jack] gets his food and drink. He really appreciates you helping him out. You know?
Do send along some of your “dark fiction” as you describe it. I’d love to read it and give you my amateur comments. 
I liked your advice on how to view the foot parties; as recreation and not so much as hunting grounds. Perhaps that will help in the future to slow my falling for those remarkably beautiful women like [Linda]. Still though, love at first sight (LAFS), when it comes, is quite a powerful thing. So I fear, regardless of how I view these parties that should another [Linda] come along, that I’d probably fall just as quickly. We’ll see.
The thing is though: I like falling quickly because the quicker I fall, the longer those love feelings are likely to last. Click here for a discussion on that. Since I want lasting love, then as I see it, falling quickly is not the problem. In fact, it’s what I most want to do, even though it often results in painful and premature breakups.
The real problem is finding someone who falls for me just as quickly, and as deeply. It sure would be nice to be in sync with my partners for a change, when it comes to love. But until that happens, I’ll just keep trying.
I sense that when one searches for love in earnest, that he cannot avoid the hurt of rejection. The more he wants a true love, the more vulnerable to true love he is, and thus, the more pain he’s likely to encounter as the folks he most desires turn him down. Indeed, the love quest is all about laying your heart on the table and being willing to risk intense pain for the rewards of intense pleasure. As far as I can tell, people who take too many steps to avoid pain are also reducing the pleasure they might enjoy if they were less guarded and stand-offish. In short: When you avoid the pain, you also avoid the pleasure.
Pain and pleasure go together, and so it’s hard to have one without the other. So while our histories of past hurts may compel us to steer away from those for whom we feel the most vulnerable, we should resist this compulsion. Why? Because the more jaded we become, the more closed off we are to true love. Instead, the more vulnerable we feel ironically, the closer we ought to allow ourselves to get. We should seek out (rather than avoid) those who could hurt us the most, because these people are also the most likely to give us the greatest joy. The signs of potential pain are also the signs of potential pleasure.
Now I’m not saying that we should seek out the pain per se. But I do suggest that we should embrace (rather than avoid) those souls that make us feel the most vulnerable. True. They could hurt us. But they could also make us happier than we’ve ever been before. So no, this is not masochism. We’re not seeking out the pain for the pain itself. Rather, we’re seeking the pleasure while realizing that the pain goes along with it and that we must be most vulnerable to be the most pleased. So this is just a way of maximizing our potential satisfaction in love. There’s no such thing as a “safe path” in the love quest. You can’t win this quest while seeking refuge from its pains. So with all that said, I’m not sure how to apply your advice at the parties to greatest advantage. The fact is: My dearest dream is to find true love, and I can’t turn that off, no matter the venue. I’m always looking for true love, even when I tell myself that I shouldn’t be. It’s my nature. Further thoughts from you on this would be welcome.
Yes. I agree with you. [Miss Independent] is very cute. She could be as alluring as [Linda]. But I’m a bit gun shy at this point, and so I’m afraid to acknowledge the extent of my attraction. But you’re right. [Miss Independent] is quite beautiful and charming. and I do hope to see her again. I’ve invited her to come here to my blogs and contact me if she desires. Hopefully, she will.
Anyway, have a great summer. [Jack] and I are planning to attend the September VIP party. So if you’re there, we’ll see you then.
Take care.
July 26th, 2009 at 9:36 pm
Hi Tom,
It was great seeing you at the party in July. I enjoy speaking with you its always so different from the many other conversations I have throughout the night. You offer a great change of pace.
Sorry its taken me so long to respond. I have been so busy with school. However, I just got got all caught up on reading the blog. I am glad you are making progress on moving forward after your love for Linda. It is obvious that it is still a struggle for you. I know that with time it will get better as I am sure you are already seeing this. Sounds like you had a good night regardless and had some enjoyable sessions.
I do agree that the more vulnerable you allow yourself to be the more pain AND pleasure you gain from it. However, it is important to pick the right time and place to be so open. Otherwise, you are just leaving your self open for pain.
I feel like our parties are like a adult playgrounds. They are a place to be wild, to have fun, to release energy that we store away through out the week. While this is a great place for for fun and games, it seems unlikely to work as a place for finding love as serious as the one you are searching for.
I do admire your bravery in allowing yourself to always be open to others, I know that I could never trust people or myself so much.
I wish you the best of luck in your search and do enjoy following along with your adventures. Keep me posted.
Have a great time in camp! Send Jack my regards and I look forward to seeing you both in September.
Kisses and toe wiggles,
Terra
July 30th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
And to think you said that you couldn’t write this stuff very well. Actually, your prose is quite good. It’s obvious that you’re an English major.
Yes, choosing the right time and place to be open is tricky business. It’s like walking a tightrope, with lions to the left and tigers to the right. If he is too reserved, ladies will be unaware of his interest, assume that he does not desire them, and thus leave him alone. On the other hand, excessive openness makes him appear obsessive, creepy, threatening, or to have a hidden agenda, and so again, the end result is that the ladies avoid him, leaving him by himself.
I’ve struggled with picking the right level of openness for the occasion. Indeed, in my shy 20s, I spoke too little of my interest, or stated it too late. This made for many sad and lonely nights, as I observed dream girls walking into the sunset with other men; men who dared to reveal their feelings. Hmmmmm. How many would have strolled off with me, if only I hadn’t been so stifled by the fear of rejection. If I’d said my heart sooner, those years might have been more fulfilled. True. I’d have been more embarrassed too. But in retrospect, this hardship of shame would have been worth the better chances of getting fulfilled love that an immediately open approach can provide.
More later.
July 30th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
On the foot party being an unlikely spot to find romance: When two people share that instant and deep heart connection (or love at first sight (LAFS)), do you think it matters so much where they meet initially? I submit that mutual LAFS would probably overcome the barriers imposed by the particular venue. E.g. People who meet through the Internet often overcome the typically long distances between them, to build lasting love relationships. History is full of happy couples who met for the first time in the most unlikely of places such as on roller coasters, caves, and in car accidents; my maternal grandparents met when he ran into her with his car due (apparently) to his careless driving. As she described the incident, she was turned off by his carelessness, yet forgot all about that when she looked into his eyes as he came to her afterwards to see if she was all right. Though she immediately hated his negligence, she also immediately loved him. The point is that when true love is destined, any activity that brings the couple together will work so long as it allows them to interact with each other romantically. If they each find the other supremely attractive, they’ll probably connect, regardless of where they meet; assuming of course that neither one of them is overly shy. So I’m not sure that there is an ideal place to make this connection. It seems to me, after attending three foot parties that foot worship is about as likely to work as meeting someone in a skydiving, church, or ham radio group. I say this with two decades of experience meeting women everywhere from bus stops, malls, online dating services, and singles groups, to the workplace, or anywhere desirable ladies can be found.
You and I have discussed the problems of foot party romance already. As noted, the biggest difficulty I see is the confusion of intensions that can result when economic and romantic incentives produce the same behaviors from the women. It’s hard to tell if a lady is being nice to earn a living or to encourage romance. So it’s easy to confuse one motive for the other and to think that she cares when in fact, she’s just doing her job. Admittedly, this is perhaps the biggest drawback of meeting women at these parties. Yes, chances are that the party is just a job for them. So perhaps you’re right that this makes the odds of finding someone there who wants more than just favors very long indeed. I don’t mind these odds though because the parties are still very fun, even if things don’t move beyond there.
But I can tell the difference now between her interest in my heart and the lust for favors. If, after a couple hours together in the party over a month or two, she avoids meeting me someplace more public and casual, then the interest in me she shows at the party is likely more professional courtesy than personally emotional. In that case, she’s probably not attracted to me romantically. If she refuses to move our involvement outside the party after we know each other a little, then she does not feel LAFS. If she does not feel LAFS, then I’m not interested.
In this way, navigating the terrain of these parties becomes rather simple actually. Yes, the parties are like an adult playground, and I can be pretty happy playing there indefinitely if that’s all I ever wind up doing. But I still see the potential to meet a special lady there, just as I do in an online dating service, a bar, or any other place where people mingle. In my experience, the odds of wining the love quest are determined not so much by the places we meet potential lovers as they are by the potential lovers themselves.
Tom Hesley
August 7th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
[Terra],
I relayed your message to [Jack]; he was thrilled to hear it and says that he’s looking forward to seeing you in September. He chuckled at your “toe wiggles” reference.
Tom
August 7th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
[Terra],
You’re right. In being so open, indeed we do expose ourselves to lots of (perhaps needless) pain. But is this pain really so horrible? As I see it, we should try to master rather than avoid it, because I’m convinced that my path to maximal happiness runs right through the worst of this pain, and not around it.
This fear of rejection has paralyzed me, and has historically stalled the advancement of my romantic agendas. However, these days, the threat of dying as an unfulfilled old man has begun superseding this fear. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not brave, as I still fear the pain of rejection, perhaps as much as I ever did. But here in my 40s, my own mortality has become unnervingly clear. I feel time moving in on me, stronger than ever. Ticking clocks these days seem dolefully louder than in decades past. Given that, the humiliation of a hundred ladies laughing when they hear that I desire them doesn’t seem so bad. So let a thousand of them laugh; as long as a couple do not.
Being only 23 years old yourself, all of this may seem foreign to you. But see if you don’t come to understand it more as I have explained it here, once you notice your own clock growing louder and louder with each passing year. You may find that eventually, the ticking grows so loud that, as it has for me, it drowns out the scorns of potential rejection.
Take care.