A few minutes ago, an email arrived from [Vee]. She didn’t say much though. The subject line was just a curt “Hi Tom”, and the body of the note consisted solely of an embedded, recent picture of herself. I always adored her eyes and smile, and so momentarily, my nearly four-year-old resolve to never communicate with her again weakened. Understandable, as I’ve felt empty without the sweet taste of romance to enjoy for going on six months now. I hate these dry spells, and sure do miss that passion in my life; I ache, to exchange love with a beautiful lady, and in fact, if I threw all caution to the wind, [Vee] would be the perfect woman to seek out because, in spite of everything I know about her, I’m still quite vulnerable to her charms, even when she’s not trying to woo me. She is by default, the sort of beautiful lady I supremely desire, and thus, it would be all too easy to fall in love with her again. It would just take a few well-placed sweet nothings and empty promises from her, and I’d surely find myself head-over-heals once more. But nonetheless, I stood my ground, and successfully resisted the impulse to reply, because I remembered how painful maintaining a friendship / relationship with her was; all the lies, all the secrets, all the drama, all the disappointments — in short, all the heartache.
This is the third overture of hers that I’ve ignored since asking her to stop writing me back in 2006, and I hope to continue staying strong. May I remain as resolute this time as I was in her two previous efforts to get us going again, because I’m sure that in any involvement with [Vee] I’d be way more sad than happy, and more lonely with than without her. I believe that it would not be good for either of us to pick up again therefore. So I’ll let her be.
It might be interesting however, to get her to post some comments out here. But even something as innocent as that could stir up passions that I’d rather leave settled. So no. I’ll not invite her to come to this blog or to my home. All that she and I have now is a very painful history, and because of that, we have no present, and certainly no future together. So, to all those uncontrollable and mystic forces that so profoundly affect my love life, I plead: Please let things stay this way. Let [Vee] stay in my past, forever. Though I still love her, I want nothing to do with her.