Can Loving from Afar Survive
Friday, October 9th, 2009Today’s question: Can loving from a distance survive getting closer? That is: Can someone we love from afar remain as enchanting once we know them better than as just a beautiful stranger? Can we stay in love with them once they stop playing the lipstick game? Many say yes, but many others say no. Indeed, my experiences for the most part, suggest not. Typically, I’ve “lost that loving feeling” the more I indulged myself with a lover. The more I experienced them, the less I desired them. I’ve found that generally, the act of getting of what we want, leads us to not wanting, what we wanted so much before getting it.
Still though, this general rule has not persuaded me, and thus, the question remains: Where do I fall on this issue? Where do I want tol fall? I may not wish to fall where the logic says I should. That is, it may be senseless to seek she who remains romantically desirable no matter how well I come to know her. Yet this is precisely what my heart tells me I should be looking for, and not to stop until I find her.
If I admit that romance cannot survive the getting-acquainted process, then unless I can be satisfied with forever loving from afar and discard that yearning to get closer, then I may never be truly happy. Or if I allow the getting closer, then I’ll likely need to learn how to find joy in the romance-less friendships that usually emerge as the distance shrinks and the knowledge of the other grows. Romance and closeness often do not occur together; when closeness grows, romance shrinks. So unless I can find that one-in-a-million relationship where learning more about the other actually intensifies rather than quells the romance, then I must stop dreaming of finding lasting fulfillment in love, at least from just one women anyhow. I must accept the notion that what I’ve been chasing, for all of my adult years, can’t ever be mine. Good luck with that, because if I manage it, then I’ll have one less big reason live. So I wonder what I would do instead, that would offer a better chance at similar gratification? I’d be aimless without my love quest, and probably hate having given it up for my every remaining day of life.
But if I agree that love can survive the growth of intimacy, then I could end up pursuing a forever elusive dream. Though others report that they’ve seen love at first sight (LAFS) last decades beyond first sight, it’s still possible that I’ll never experience this enduring LAFS. In that case, should I die without having done so, will I not have wasted my life?
Neither scenario pleases me. But which one could I live with most comfortably? Which one is the lesser of the two evils? Which one would I waste the least time embracing? Which one does my heart prefer? Which one is most likely to keep me challenged and happy? Which one, and why?
