She’s More Sane Than I
Friday, May 29th, 2009Dear [Jack],
Hi there. How are you?
Just wanted to touch base and give you an update on [Linda].
I’ve thought of late, of my time in Philadelphia between 1997 and 2001. All those Sundays seeing you and your partners singing on South Street, I still enjoy reminiscing about. Then, there was the skating at The Palace and The Wow Family Fun Center on the boulevard. Of course, we can’t forget those hundreds of dinners at Tiffany’s, the Broadway, and the Ritz. What fun it was to visit Franklin Mills, Neshaminy, and Oxford Valley malls and peruse the book shops. To learn the buses, one exercise I did was to visit every Acme grocery store in Philly. [Kar] and I used to visit Michael’s Café each week for dancing, and the best steamed clams around. There was the bowling at Upper Darby, at Rahn and the boulevard in the northeast, and on Erie avenue. How about those hikes you and I used to take from your place up to the Broadway. My feet still hurt when I remember that five hour and forty five minute walk we did. Yikes! Then there were the super bowl parties, the choir performances, and the Overbrook alumni weekends. I spent many an hour walking up and down Cottman Avenue, shopping at Harry’s Natural Foods near Castor and Cottman. There was always something new to explore down there, and I do miss the Philly life. I think as fondly of the Philly years, as I do my high school years.
But [Jack], the Philly years were also empty years. As you know, my main reason for coming was to find a sweetie, which never happened. Then, after the mugging, I had to leave Philly, and heal. But after ten months, I returned to give it one more try in 2001. That’s the year I lived on Red Lion road. But as you’ll remember, that apartment was noisy, and I had begun thinking about getting away from software engineering, and pursuing a writing career. So, I couldn’t spare the dollars to purchase a quiet home in Jenkintown, Ardmore, or any of the other, very nice communities along the regional rail lines. Circumstances forced me to leave again in December of 2001, and I’ve been here in Altoona ever since.
Since meeting [Linda], I’ve pondered what the Philly years might have been like, had I known her then. She could have been the missing piece, you know? It would have been cool to accompany her to South Street, and to clap hands together as you finished singing each song, and then as we used to do, we could have all gotten a snack at the Dairy Queen near sixth and South afterwards. I wonder if she likes roller skating? We might have dined with you folks at Tiffany’s, then gone to the Palace for a late Saturday night skate. You remember that sometimes, I used to go to these by myself and not get home until well past three AM. While this was fun, it would have been so much better with a lady like [Linda] skating beside me, and looking forward to what we’d be doing once we got home. I bet she likes malls. Most women I know do. We might have walked every square foot of Franklin Mills mall, and seen all sorts of movies at Neshaminy, and spent hundreds of dollars every weekend at Oxford Valley. Software engineering treated me well then. So I had money to spend, and I would have spent it too; gladly. You think that she’d enjoy riding the buses to each and every Acme grocery store? Perhaps not. But we would have had some deep conversations along the way to be sure, and she has said that she likes those. Which of my three apartments would she have liked best; the one near 22nd and Ben Franklin Parkway, the one just off of Oxford Circle near Frankford, or the last one I had on Red Lion Road in the Bustleton section of the city? Of course, I probably wouldn’t have lived in Frankford if I’d known her in 1998; I’d fear for her safety if I had. You think she’s ever been to Michael’s Cafe’? I bet she’d really enjoy the steamed clams. How about bowling and hiking? I’d worry though about her feet if she walked with us too far. But then, she’s so light that perhaps she could walk twenty miles without problems. Could you imagine how much funnier those parties would have been, with her spunk and spirit added in? Hmmm. Has she ever visited Cottman Avenue? I’d have loved to make her a mango shake, and to do all this and more with [Linda], if only I’d known her. Is she as much the explorer as I am? Well, that wouldn’t have mattered though, because even if she just likes staying at home, I do a pretty good homebody too.
Unfortunately [Jack], [Linda] probably wouldn’t have welcomed such romantic dates in those days, for she seems uninterested in them today; at least with me. She appears way less crazy about me than I am about her. She’s more sane than I. Why? One day out of the past twenty eight, she’s written, and that was ten days ago. Before that, she was silent for two weeks. I’ve supplied my phone number. Yet she has not called. So while I believe her when she says that she’s busy raising her kids, and I agree that her children should indeed be top priority, it’s also true that where there’s a strong desire to get something done, people manage invariably, to do it, no matter what else they have going on. So if she really wanted to get to know me, she would have called and written more. It would have been nice to hear from her a few times a week and to share stories of our respective worlds. It’d be great to have her visit the pavilion and swing with me, or to take a long walk at the cemetery. She’d really love the views of the mountains, while standing at the top of Chocolate Knob hill too, where kids go sledding in winter, and farmers grow hay in summer.
I thought she and I made an explosive romantic connection at the last party. But I concede now that I was probably mistaken. I read too much into her affection, as I went there with my naivety on my sleeve. I never played the foot party game before. So I was sure to misread someone. I’d never been to a place where so many women paid me so much attention. So taking their interest personally, as an indication that they liked me specifically, was bound to happen. Indeed, I mistook [Linda's] “common courtesy” for a special interest, which after nearly a month, appears not to have existed. But do I regret that? No. Not at all.
She seemed to like me a lot at our first meeting. So I’ve been walking around here throughout May, on an indescribable love high. This high inspired me. She’s inspired me to think of the love quest positively for a change. I’m certain that the quest can be won now, because gone are the worries that the prize does not exist. The prize is definitely out there though; [Linda] exemplifies it. She showed that there are women, in the flesh, who match my dream girl in every significant detail. Heretofore, I doubted that. But no longer. [Linda] is proof that dream girls do exist. They do exist. They do exist! THEY DO EXIST!!! Oh, that’s so liberating to know. And now, I know more about what to look for to find them. Even though she and I will probably never be “an item,” our one date has strengthened my resolve to keep pressing on in the quest. It has clarified and straightened out my priorities for me. So dream girls? Look out because here I come!
I don’t blame [Linda] for not feeling. After all, we don’t control who turns us on (or who does not). It seems that I do not turn her on, given how little she’s communicated since we met four weeks ago. If I’m wrong, I hope she lets me know, and soon. But if I’m right, then that’s not her fault, and it’s not mine either. My caring more for her than she apparently does for me, is just an unfortunate reality. So I don’t take it personally. At least, I try not to anyway. I feel rejected though, and that smarts a little. Of course if she feels nothing however, then she did the right thing by leaving most of my posts and emails unanswered; she rejected me as she should have. While I’ve not ruled her out as the love of my life, she’ll have to meet me half way in order to claim that spot in my heart. I’m hers if she wants me. She’ll just need to say it, and show it a little more if it’s true.
She did not ask for my follow-up commentaries. So I should not feel slighted that she answered only a few. Sure, it hurts that she has virtually ignored me. But I took the risk, and so the pain is my responsibility. I had to risk it though, in order to learn her heart, and she was well worth the effort. I’m none the worse for the wear. In fact, I’m smarter for it. The wisdom was worth the pain. But again, it is my pain, and mine alone. She didn’t want to ride the wave with me it seems, and it’s meaningless to argue with someone’s desires. So I bear her no ill-will. I’m just happy that she stopped by for a while, and hopefully, I’ve made a new friend in the deal.
But you know [Jack], I’m ready for the next party in eight days, along with more Lucky Charms, and perhaps some Allegro’s pizza too. My sky is twilight now, and fading to black once more, with the setting of [Linda’s] sun. She could make it rise again if it’s in her heart to do so. But if it’s not, the other stars have returned. So perhaps at the June party, one of those other suns will rise like [Linda's] did, and a new wave will again lift me into those wonderfully blissful love highs, that I so relished over the past month. I can’t wait to see what happens, and to enjoy another new day of promise and intrigue. Perhaps I’ll again get lucky, and spend the evening most joyously, at the feet of, if not [Linda], then some other remarkably beautiful woman. We’ll see. Talk to you then Bud.
Take care.
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