Tom's Love Quest

These girls wooed me the most over all.  Not that they   all   produced the greatest sexual or romantic desire and gratification, though some of them did.  But at times while either pining for or dating each of these, I felt I could be with no one more suited to my tastes, morals, values, education level, religious beliefs, social status, and so on.   While grazing in these ladies’ pastures, the grass immediately surrounding me was always the greenest.  Indeed, there was no such thing as greener grass on the other side of the fence.  There may have been   equally   green grass; but none greener.  I sensed that I was dating among the best I could, and that there was none better.  Now I’ve dated many others besides these.  But only relationships forged with the ladies in this list appeared to be the best that a relationship could be; at least for a few months to a few years anyhow. 

And now, the list:

1. [First Love]   in 1972 through 1990.
2. [Molly]   in 1974.
3. [Ann]  in 1974, and briefly in 2004.
4. [Maniac]   in 1975.
5. [BT]   in 1976.
6. [Shaina]   in 1977.
7. [Dawn]   in 1979.
8. [Cher]   in 1981 through 1983.
9. [Andrea]    in 1982.
10. [Shelly]   in 1983.
11. [Shanee]   in 1983.
12. Paula Eide    in 1984.
13. [Fannie]   in 1984 through 1987.
14. [Kate]  in 1986 through 1987.
15. [Lenee]   in 1988.
16. [Elstan]  in 1988 through 2002.
17. [Cassee]  in 1989, 1994, and 2000.
18. [Renee]   in 1990 through 1991.
19. [Juanita]   in 1991, 1994, and 2001.
20. [Roberta]   in 1991.
21. [Chrissy]   in 1993.
22. [Emeebee]   in 1993-1998, 2000-2001.
23. [Carlene J]  in 1993 and then again in 2000.
24. [Melinda]  in 1995, and briefly in 2007.
25. [Alandra]   in 1996-1997.
26. [Judith]   in 1997-1998, 2010.
27. [Vee] in 1997 -2002, 2006.
28. [Kar]   in 1998-2002.
29. [J]   in 1999-2000.
30. [Lynn]  in 1999-2000.
31. [Beejay]   in 2000 through 2001.
32. [LizDee]   in 2002 and 2004, briefly.
33. [Emmy]   in 2003, and 2005.
34. [Kandi]  in 2003 through 2005.
35. [Ballerina]   in 2004.
36. [Linda]   in 2009.
37. [Miss Independent]  in 2009.
38. [Prism]   in 2009.
39. [Elsee]   in 2009.

Click on each name link to see the posts that pertain to that lady.

Take care.

Tom Hesley

Dear   [Ann],

If you want to talk about how / why I ended it, I can do that. Just give me a call when you’re ready. Perhaps talking things out will help you come to understand that this was very torturous for me as well.

Yes, I’ve had to end some other relationships in a similar way. [Emmy]  was one of them – she was obsessive about her guide dog, [...], talked a lot with other men, and was 22 years younger than me to boot. Sheryl [...] was another – well, you know why I had to leave her. Each [relationship] had its own set of reasons for ending.

On the other hand, I’ve been left by women more times than I can count.   [First Love]   broke my heart. So did [Shaina], [Emeebee], [Judy], [Kar], [Vee], and others. I’ve done my share of crying over women who thought me not good enough for them to fall in love with.

It’s hard to find a “right” one – where both people find each other attractive, and continue to feel that way over time – especially after the first fight. Hopefully, each time through it though, we learn more about what we need to look for and insist on the next time around.

I knew you were going to be hurt, having been in that position of being left myself many times. That’s why telling you was so difficult. I do not relish hurting anybody. That’s the big problem in searching for a right person – sometimes, many people are victimized by the quest. But please believe me when I say that hurting you was the last thing I wanted to do. If I indeed talked to you too long before ending things, this was why – I couldn’t bare the though of causing you pain.

Yea, perhaps I’m not much of a man as I’ve been told, for handling things as I did. But I couldn’t leave you high and dry while [your daughter] was still at home, and I wasn’t sure back then that things wouldn’t work out romantically for us. It’s very difficult (and some would say “shallow”) to quickly make the decision to leave. Perhaps you’ve never had this trouble – you certainly rejected me quickly enough back in 1974. But for me, it’s often not so easy.

I want to fix your computer for you, but don’t want to come there until I sense that we’re really past this. Hopefully you can forgive me and we can be friends again.

Tom

Dear [Tad],

I did that. [I checked for her in directory assistance.] There are lots of people out there with her name. Fortunately, there are only two in Pittsburgh. I plan on calling them next week to see if either one of them is her.

Her voice: If she sang in a choir, she’d probably sing alto. She had a bit of an accent that made her sound like a country girl. I can still hear her. And she had a sultry, mischievous laugh.

I’d love to send [our third floor house mother that year] a card and tell her that   [Shaina]   and I are getting married. Ooh, she hated   [Shaina],  and I caught all kinds of hell that time   [Shaina]   came up to the dorms with me and my parents. I often wonder if   [Shaina]   got into trouble for going up there with us and if that’s why she ended up leaving.

Related Posts

• Looking for That Waitress
• My First Prom

Tom

[Tad],

I like lots of fresh fruits and nuts. We can go to the store tonight If that’s alright. Apples, cherries, oranges, and grapes are my favorites.

On another note: Do you remember that waitress,  [Shaina],   that I took to our 10th grade prom 26 years ago? I was going through some old pictures the other day and found our prom photo. I’ve recently learned that she may still be in Pittsburgh, and so I’m going to try to locate her.

Back then, I was sixteen years old and she was twenty-one. We couldn’t do anything really fun because she was a major and I was a miner. But now, assuming that she’s still alive, she’s forty-seven and I’m forty-two. Age differences don’t mean nearly as much in middle age as they do as teenagers. Hopefully, if I find her, she’ll feel the same. And the quest for good intimacy goes on . . . A life-long effort in my case.

Related Posts

• My First Prom
• That Very Special Waitress

Tom Hesley

Dear [Tad],

Hey there. No, haven’t heard from [Elstan] yet. I will write her once again before she leaves for the summer. By the way, when is school out for the year?

Lots of playing over the weekend, ‘eh? Don’t make me jealous.

School prom. Speaking of that, I often wonder whatever happened to   [Shaina],   you remember, that waitress that I took to our 10th grade prom? Apparently, as [our health teacher] recounted at the dinner, that was more controversial than I imagined. I hope that it didn’t cause her to lose her job, since she left the school shortly after that. I know [our house mother] had lots of bad things to say about my choice in women then.

Did you enjoy the prom this year?

Well, time for lunch. Will catch you later. If you see [Elstan], say hi to her for me. Nothing like a bit of subliminal pressure.

Tom Hesley